God of "Yes" as well as "No"

There's a prayer that I've been repeating a lot lately.

God, help me to be thankful for all the times you've said "No" as readily as I am thankful for every time you say "Yes."

It's a discipline.  It's a developed response to the natural grumbling of my heart.  To the natural distrust of my flesh.  To the serpent in the Garden, "Did God really say ... ?"

On the good days, I'm certain.  I'm confident.  I know.  I believe without hesitation that God is good.  That every "No" (especially to what looks good and pleasing in my eyes) has provided opportunity for Him to say "Yes" to something better, something good, pleasing and perfect in His eyes.

Then there are days like today.  Today is a whiny, grumbling, spiritual temper tantrum sort of day.  Today is a day full of doubt and questions, of second-guessing.  "God, I could have written this story so much better."  That's what my flesh is stomping up and down to say. Today is a day when the way He's clearly pointed is not the way I want to go, and I do not feel sure He's going to actually make something beautiful out of the ashes I've offered Him.  There's stuff laying on the altar that I'd really rather not leave there, stuff to which I'd rather cling.

The great thing is, my attitude doesn't change the facts.  No matter how I feel about it, today is still grace.  There is goodness in the "No", in the sacrifice of good for best, and in the call to wait and trust.

I am whiny some of the time ... God is good all of the time.

Already All I Need

I heard this song for the first time today. But, its message resonates deeply with lessons the Lord has been teaching me about Himself and His provision in my life.

 

Song: Already all I need
Artist: Christy Nockels
Album: Into the glorious
------
Asking where You are Lord, wondering where You've been
Is like standing in a hurricane trying to find the wind
And hoping for Your mercy to meet me where I am
Is forgetting that your thoughts for me outnumber the sand.

You filled the sun with morning light
You bid the moon to lead the night
You clothe the lilies bright and beautiful.

You're already all I need
Already everything that I could hope for
You're already all I need
You've already set me, already making me more like you
You're already all I need
Jesus, You're already all I need.

Walking through this life without your freedom in my heart
Is like holding onto shackles, that You have torn apart
So remind me of your promises and all that You have done
In this world I will have trouble, but You have overcome

And every gift that I receive, You determine just for me
But nothing I desire compares to You

You're already all I need
Already everything that I could hope for
You're already all I need
You've already set me, already making me more like you
You're already all I need
Jesus, You're already all I need.

In your fullness, You're my all in all
And in your healing, I'm forever made whole
And in your freedom, Your love overflows and carries me
You carry me, yes You carry me, You carry me

You're already all I need
Already everything that I could hope for
You're already all I need
You've already set me, already making me more like you
You're already all I need
Jesus, You're already all I need.
Already all I need

You Can't Skip to Fine

I'm grieving.

I could use a less dramatic sounding term, but it would not fully encapsulate the truth.

The church that I have loved and poured myself out for in the last three years will have its final worship service in two weeks, and I am grieving.

I am grieving that it won't ever be all that I dreamed it would be.
I am grieving that I won't have a place to belong on Sunday mornings for a while.
I am grieving that, right or wrong, it feels like all that I invested of myself is lost.
I am grieving that God chose to answer my prayers differently from what I hoped.
I am grieving the friendships and relationships that have been lost, strained, or broken.

I am grieving.

And, as you know, grief is unpredictable and irrational.  It strikes unexpectedly, rolls over you like a tidal wave knocking you off your feet, doubles you over like a sucker punch to the gut at an unanticipated trigger.  It ruins the carefully painted mask you wear. It steals the words right out of your mouth.

You want to know what I hate most about grief?  You can't skip to fine.  I know I will be fine, but I'm not today.  I know that one morning, I'll wake up and it won't hurt as bad.  I'll make it an entire week without crying about it.  I'll remember with a smile, not sadness, and I'll begin to see fruit coming from what I thought was a barren crop. I will be fine.

But, I can't skip to fine.

Fine is on the other side of the mountain, and the only way over it is one step at a time.  So, I'm praying for wisdom on the way.  To harvest every possible lesson.  To find every hidden blessing.  To bear the soul markings of this journey gracefully.  To walk gently with others whose grief is the same yet wholly different.

A Garment of Praise

... the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness ... Isaiah 61:3

These last few weeks (months?) have been heavy.  Weighty.

This morning, as I headed to work, I really didn't feel ready.  I felt the weight of the last few weeks.  The heaviness.  I thought about my regularly scheduled life, and the thought felt overwhelming somehow. These are not unfamiliar thoughts for me.  As I got into my car, I sensed one of those gloomy seasons drawing close, lurking nearby.

I turned the radio off as I sat in traffic, and I listened to the silence.  That's when I heard it.  A line from a very old song I haven't sung since I was a girl took up a refrain in my thoughts.  "Put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, lift up your voice to God ..."

It's very difficult to praise God and stay gloomy.  It just is.  So, right there in my car, sitting in rush hour traffic, I began to dress myself in the garment of praise.  I thanked God for the day, praised Him for who He is, recounted to myself all of the ways He's been faithful to me.  And I couldn't help but feel like the the gloom was pushed back.

When I got to work, I googled the phrase "garment of praise."  I knew it came from scripture, but I couldn't remember where.  This is what I found.

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, 

Because the Lord has anointed Me To preach good tidings to the poor; 

He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, 

To proclaim liberty to the captives, 

And the opening of the prison to those who are bound; 

To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord , 

And the day of vengeance of our God; 

To comfort all who mourn, 

To console those who mourn in Zion, 

To give them beauty for ashes, 

The oil of joy for mourning, 

The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; 

That they may be called trees of righteousness, 

The planting of the Lord , 

that He may be glorified.”  

Isaiah 61:1-3

Isaiah 58:6-14, KRH Style

My own paraphrase of Isaiah 58. 

"Is not this the fast that I choose: 

Here's the kind of worship I'd rather you practice:

to loose the bonds of wickedness, 

to undo the straps of the yoke, 

to let the oppressed go free, 

and to break every yoke? 

Repent from your sin, cast off its shackles;

proclaim freedom from the Law that binds people,

teach them about the Grace that saved you!

Is it not to share your bread with the hungry 

and bring the homeless poor into your house; 

when you see the naked, to cover him, 

and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?

Give to those in need. Give till it costs you something. 

Give when it's uncomfortable, even awkward;

and be especially good to your own family, to those you've taken for granted. 

Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, 

and your healing shall spring up speedily; 

your righteousness shall go before you; 

the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. 

When you do the things that please Me, 

that's when the darkness lifts and the light shines.

You begin to feel whole in a hurry, 

and you experience the freedom of being in right standing with Me 

and enjoying My presence. 

Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; 

you shall cry, and he will say, "Here I am." 

If you take away the yoke from your midst, 

the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, 

if you pour yourself out for the hungry 

and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, 

then shall your light rise in the darkness 

and your gloom be as the noonday. 

That's when you'll call, and you'll be able to hear Me answer.

Stop putting your own rules on yourself and others;

stop placing blame and sinning with your words.

Put your energy into feeding the hungry

and caring for the needy.

That's when the darkness lifts and the light shines.

And the Lord will guide you continually 

and satisfy your desire in scorched places 

and make your bones strong; 

and you shall be like a watered garden, 

like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. 

And, I'll guide you.  I'll always show you the next step.

I'll quench your thirst even in the dry places, 

And I'll strengthen you beyond reason.

You'll flourish so much with growth and fruit, 

you'll be vibrant, and you'll always have enough to share.

And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; 

you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; 

you shall be called the repairer of the breach, 

the restorer of streets to dwell in. 

And, the places you thought broken beyond repair and forgotten will be rebuilt;

You'll be part of building a foundation for generations you'll never meet;

You'll be known as the one who stood in the gap,

The one who revealed Kingdom community where people live.

"If you turn back your foot from the Sabbath, 

from doing your pleasure on my holy day, 

and call the Sabbath a delight 

and the holy day of the Lord honorable; 

if you honor it, not going your own ways, 

or seeking your own pleasure, or talking idly; 

then you shall take delight in the Lord , 

and I will make you ride on the heights of the earth; 

I will feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father, 

for the mouth of the Lord has spoken."

If you quit using My day for your own pleasure,

expecting it to be about what you want and think you need,

but rather take it seriously as time of rest and worship,

then you'll begin to delight again in Me.

I'll give you pleasure and energy like you've never known,

I'll feed you with riches and abundance you've never dreamed of.

That's My heart for you.  What I promise, I do.

Good and Near and Broken

The nearness of God is my good. Psalm 73:28

God is near to the brokenhearted. Psalm 34:18

A broken and contrite heart, He will not despise. Psalm 51:17

A broken heart is good.

This train of thought plays out in my mind daily it seems.  When my thoughts are wracked with disappointment that life hasn't turned out the way I wanted or planned for it to go, as I am driven to my knees desperate to hear the voice and sense the presence and maybe, just maybe, catch a glimpse of the hand of God over my circumstances, then I know.

The one who comes to Him must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him diligently. Hebrews 11:6

"I am your very great Reward." Genesis 15:1

God's economy.  It's not mine.  He doesn't measure time or good or reward as I would.  He knows better.  He knows best.  There will be blessing, but I am reminded today that sometimes blessing is brokenness.

Reminders

I keep a playlist on my Spotify account called "Reminders", songs full of the Biblical truth that I need to hear to drive out the lies I'm prone to believe.  I've been listening to that playlist a lot lately as life has felt a little overwhelming.  I think it's amusing, though, how often I'm surprised by just how plainly these songs speak into my circumstances.  I catch myself thinking, "Man, I really needed to hear that today," and then I laugh.  Well, duh! That's why it's called "Reminders."

Today, as I sat at my desk, weariness and stress bearing down on me, I heard these lyrics:

So many times I question certain circumstances
and things I could not understand.
Many times in trials my weakness blurs my vision
and that’s when my frustration gets so out of hand.
It's then I am reminded, I've never been forsaken.
I've never had to stand one test alone.
As I look at all the victories, the Spirit rises up in me.
And It's through the fire my weakness is made strong.
He never promised that the cross would not get heavy
and the hill would not be hard to climb.
He never offered a victory without fighting.
He said help would always come in time.
Just remember when you're standing in the valley of decision
and the adversary says give in, Just hold on.

Our Lord will show up
and He will take you through the fire again

Through the Fire -- Jason Crabb

When you go through deep waters,

I will be with you.

When you go through rivers of difficulty,

you will not drown.

When you walk through the fire of oppression,

you will not be burned up;

the flames will not consume you.

Isaiah 43:2