Just a Little Unwell

ALL the Time

2012-01-26T16:41:00.000-06:00

I received some very good news today.

I've spent the better part of the last 4 weeks in and out of my doctor's office, having tests and waiting on results. The last one felt like a big one simply because it was called a biopsy. The doctor didn't really expect to find a malignancy in my body, but she had enough doubt to order it just in case.

Today the doctor called and said the words I'd been waiting to hear, "All clear." The deep sigh of relief and the full breath I was able to inhale and exhale in the next moment were enormous. I didn't even realize how tense I'd been until I felt my entire body relax.

I had so many people to share the good news with. Delivering good news is so much fun, and it didn't take long for the replies to begin pouring in. The most common being a joyous, "God is good!" I smiled and laughed with every single one, feeling grateful and lighthearted and spoiled by so many loving friends.

When the third, "God is good!" arrived, I mentally finished the thought, "ALL the time." And that's when it hit me. God is good. All the time.

Had the doctor's news been different, had there been a malignancy, had I been facing a much more difficult journey this afternoon, God would still be good.

He is good on this path, and He would be good on that one, too. My circumstances do not have any bearing on his character. On his goodness or faithfulness or sovereignty. He is always good, always faithful, and always in control.

Now, if only I could learn to live that way day in and day out!

This morning, I read from Philippians 4. This afternoon, Paul's words are all the more profound to me, Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:11-13

God is good. All the time.

God's Better Ways

2012-01-13T16:02:00.000-06:00

Hast thou not see how all thy longings have been granted in what He ordaineth?

- Praise to the Lord, The Almighty

Sometimes God meets my needs in unexpected ways, and I am delighted.

I recognize a need, have no clue how to meet it, and imploringly take it to Him, asking Him to show up. It's always thrilling to see just how creatively He engineers a solution I'd have never come up with on my own.

Other times, He meets my needs in unexpected ways and I respond with a temper tantrum.

I recognize a need , come up with the perfect solution, then take them both to God as more of a demand than a petition.

When that happens, I look for God in only one direction. I wait and watch and expect Him to move in a very specific way, and when He doesn't, I accuse Him of not meeting the need at all. I get angry and defensive and bitter, and find it very difficult to rejoice in any blessing at all because it wasn't THE blessing I expected. It's an ugly temper tantrum of the heart.

Eventually, I accept that the need was met, but I tend to treat the gift as more of a consolation prize, begrudgingly acknowledging it with a mumbled platitude of thanks rather than heartfelt joy. I've done this my whole life. Over and over again, patting myself on the back for practicing the discipline of gratitude even when accepting something "less than" what I'd expected. Go, me.

This week, I have come face to face with this very ugly pattern of my heart. It wasn't a fun or pleasant experience, but the outcome has been monumentally life changing. I have found myself overwhelmed with delight over graces I'd only marginally acknowledged previously.

I came to God and told Him my need and how I thought it should be met. He set aside my solution and came up with one infinitely more fulfilling. Ever since I saw this, ever since I saw that His solution wasn't a consolation prize but truly a full expression of His grace over my life, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it, to stop smiling about it, to stop talking about it, to stop looking for how many other indescribably good gifts I've missed seeing.

God never gives less than His best, even when it's exactly what I think I want.

So don’t be misled, my dear brothers and sisters. Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession. - James 1:16-18

Baby Born to Die

2011-12-23T11:20:00.000-06:00

Sovereign [sov-rin] - adj., having supreme rank, power, or authority.

This year, I have wrestled like never before with the idea of God's sovereignty. Whereas once I rested comfortably in the knowledge that "God is in the heavens; He does whatever pleases Him," this year I spent months feeling angry and fearful of that truth. I found myself asking questions I'd never asked before, such as, "Is God good?" Is it good that He is in the heavens, able to do whatever pleases Him? Is what pleases Him always good? For me, at the heart of it all was a simple question, "Could He be trusted?"

I am grateful to say that over the last couple of months, I've had some truly wonderful conversations with some wise and godly friends and counselors who have helped me wrestle well with those questions, and that my heart has once again found a resting place secure in the knowledge that, "He who did not spare His own Son, how will He not also graciously give to us all things?" (Romans 8:32)

He who did not spare His own Son. Every Christmas it seems that there is one thought or phrase from a verse or lyric from a song that etches itself on my heart and becomes the lens through which I view the holiday season. This year that refrain has been, "the baby born to die."

It occurs to me that we, in Christian circles, use that phrase rather comfortably as we talk about the Christ-child at this time of year. But, it is not a casual phrase to be batted around. A baby born to die?

A mother bravely carries a child to term, knowing her life will be but a breath, yet many come to know the grace and peace of our Savior through their story. The life of a teenager comes to a senseless end at the hands of a drunk, yet the story of hope and peace is proclaimed boldly in an auditorium full of grieving students. A young mother receives a terminal diagnosis and determines to live out every last day with gratitude to the Life-giver, and her legacy is a celebration of life without end. A beloved pastor, still young, dies suddenly in his sleep, and his congregation rallies around his life-long passion for the message of Christ and in his death, a new fervor for the spread of the gospel is born.

None of us would dare to label any of these, "a baby born to die." But, weren't they? Didn't Sovereign God is his all-knowing goodness ordain every one of their moments on this earth and determine to use everything surrendered to Him for their good and His glory? If we can be so comfortable with the idea that He would send His only begotten Son to live and to die as the ultimate gift for us, for our good, then why is it so difficult for us to trust that everything else He does or allows will also work out only for our good?

As I reflect on this last year, as I look back on my deepest struggle to rest at peace with God and His mysterious ways, the manger and the incarnation have provided such precious and powerful reminders that His ways are so very different from and far superior to my own. The baby born to die is also the very good King who came to rule.

But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!" So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God. - Galatians 4:4-7

Listening to: Born to Die by Shane and Shane

2011-11-24T08:36:00.000-06:00

November 14: I am grateful for the confidence of knowing that "Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world," I John 4:4 ... The week leading up to a SPARK trip is always difficult, filled with stress, illness, and all manner of distraction. This one was no different, but after all we survived on the Seattle trip, I was keenly aware that no matter what the enemy had for us, God's plan and purpose would prevail!

November 15: I am grateful for accountability, for godly women who pray hard for me, ask me tough questions, and speak Truth faithfully. ... I have some of the most amazing journey-partners, and Tuesday mornings, I get to sit down with one of them over steaming cups of coffee and just feast on God's faithfulness with her. When I think of all that these women have faithfully walked with me through, I am in awe. They are a beautiful picture of Christ's grace in my life.

November 16: I am grateful when I pray, "Unto Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all we could ask or imagine," He answers. ... I got to see my dear friend and college roommate, Dodie, last Wednesday night. Her friendship is such a constant reminder to me that I asked for just a little and got a whole lot! If God is so generous to me in answering the prayer of a teenage girl for a godly roommate, I believe I can count on Him to be generous in all things.

November 17: I'm grateful for SPARK, for the blessing of traveling with, serving with, and learning from a team only God could assemble. ... I've written more than a few blog posts about SPARK Ministry and what an incredible joy and gift and honor and blessing it is to serve on that team. Life changing.

November 18: I am grateful for volunteers, men and women who serve out of calling and passion with a heart for showing Jesus to others. ... The best part of my job in volunteer management is getting to watch others come alive as they exercise the gifts God's given them to bless others and point toward Him.

November 19: I am grateful for Thanksgiving, a season in which we focus on the gratitude we should be cultivating year round! ... Lots of people have been mocking everyone's thankful posts as it seems to be the "cool thing" to do on facebook right now, but I love them. I love seeing what others are grateful for, and I love being reminded that I have so much for which to give thanks.

November 20: I am grateful for community, that God didn't leave us to walk this journey alone, but surrounds us with fellow travelers. ... Commons Church celebrated Thanksgiving together on Sunday night with an all out feast. After a weekend full of serving with Spark in Houston, I didn't think my heart could get any fuller, but walking into that room and trying to take in all of the faces of people who've become so dear to me just about did me in. What a joy to and blessing to do life with such lovely people.

November 21: I am grateful for @Lewey11, her faithful friendship, loving admonitions, and patient listening ear. #myperson ... Angela and I both managed to have our Christmas gifts for one another early this year, so we decided to hurry up and celebrate before the busyness of the holidays crowded out the joy of it all. We spent the entire day laughing, talking, walking the mall, shopping for Addison.

November 22: I am grateful for music "He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God that many will see and fear ..."Psalm 40:3 ... Music is powerful. Whatever your tastes in music, you can't deny that it gets stuck in your head and in your heart. I love that as the Lord draws me near to Him, the song in my heart shifts and the words on my lips become praises.

November 23: I am grateful for children - especially that my life is full of so many cute ones I get to love on and spoil then send home! ... I have some of the most adorable adopted nieces and nephews. I love watching my friends and cousins become parents and grow right along with their sweet babies. I love seeing God's grace poured out on a new generation.

November 24: I'm grateful that in all things God is working good for those who love Him and are called according to his purpose. Rom 8:28 ... This Thanksgiving, I am grateful most of all that God wastes nothing. He is a redeemer, and He takes every mess I've ever made, unravels it, and repurposes it for my good and His glory.

November 12 and 13: Weekend

2011-11-13T20:16:00.001-06:00

November 12: I am grateful for the Barretts and the Hortons. My extended family includes some of my best friends and favorite people. Yesterday, I sat in the stands at Lions Stadium in Plano with my mom, dad, cousin Daisy, and nephew-cousins Daniel, Nathan, and Joshua as we cheered on the PCA Lions and their offensive coordinator, my cousin Steven. And, we texted the rest of the family with each score to make sure they felt like part of the action. Today, I drove back to Plano for the afternoon, to spend some time with my Mimi and my aunt Susan and uncle Tracey. We talked about life and ministry and church and I got updates on the rest of my cousins from that side of the family. This weekend came with some great reminders that I am abundantly blessed with a family I don't just love but also like!

November 13: I am grateful for salvation. "For when we were still helpless, at the right time, Christ died for the unrighteous..." Romans 5:6 I've been reminded a lot lately that salvation is completely a work of God's unmerited favor from beginning to end. He saved me when I was still helpless, unrighteous, dead in my sins and trespasses (Ephesians 2:1-10; Romans 5:6-8). Words will never be enough to express gratitude for so great a gift, only obedience will truly do.

November 11: Veteran's Day

2011-11-11T18:11:00.001-06:00

November 11: I am grateful that when I start trying to name names the list of veterans I have to thank is too long for a status post. I didn't grow up in a military family, nor in a military town. My grandfather and one of my uncles were veterans, but it wasn't something we talked about, so it wasn't something I gave much thought. In the last couple of years, two close friends have joined the military, and I have had opportunity to witness their sacrifice and the sacrifice of their families in a very personal way. And now, as I truly sit and consider my family and friends, many of whom served long before I knew them, my perspective is greatly changed. This Veterans' Day, my heart swells with gratitude as I understand with much greater clarity how very high a price has been paid by the men and women of our armed forces.

It's My Blog and I'll Ramble If I Want To

2011-11-10T10:04:00.001-06:00

It's Thanksgiving Month. I love all the posts on Facebook and Twitter about what people are grateful for each day. So far, I've limited myself to just 140 Twitter characters in my expressions of gratitude, but today, I want to elaborate. So, I came here.

November 1: I am grateful for God's stubborn pursuit of my undivided heart. I kicked this month off sitting in a counselor's office discussing the fact that God is never satisfied with any portion or percentage of my heart and obedience. He knows that I will only be truly happy when I am fully surrendered to His good, pleasing and perfect will, and He does not rest until my heart toward Him is undivided.

November 2: I am grateful for 5 "never-a-dull-moment" years of work and ministry at Cornerstone Assistance Network. This was my first full-time ministry position. I was young and fresh out of seminary, idealistic, and completely green. This job has taken me so many places I never knew existed, introduced me to so many fascinating people, harsh realities, and beautiful testimonies. I work with an amazing team of people all committed to fulfilling God's call on their lives through serving the poor. I am blessed.

November 3: I am grateful for seasons. No matter how long and hot summer is, fall and winter eventually bring a cool reprieve. A lot like life. The long, hot, dry summer seemed to mirror my very dry soul. It's been a long, dry season spiritually that seemed interminable, but almost perfectly coinciding with the temperature reprieve outside a sweet sweeping sensation of the Spirit's presence began to refresh my soul.

November 4: I am grateful simple things brighten a day, like having money left on a Starbuck's gift card for a peppermint mocha. When I was growing up, my dad used to say, "If you get everything you want now, what will you have to look forward to?" My life is rich and blessed, but it is not extravagant. It's simplicity leaves plenty of room for joy in simple pleasures. I love that a drive-thru the coffee shop and treating myself to a hot flavored coffee still has the ability to delight me.

November 5: I am grateful for rich friendships. Today I'll be with people who have walked closely and done life with me for a very long time. Last Saturday provided a rare opportunity to spend time with two different friends from two different seasons, and I was keenly aware of how fortunate I am to be surrounded by people who are not content to sit on the surface of my life but swim boldly into the depths with me.

November 6: I am grateful for the years and family God provided at Wedgwood Baptist Church and for the beauty He's brought me at Commons Church. I am blessed by two incredible bodies of believers. I joined Commons Church because I believed it was a door to community God was opening for me. I found an opportunity to do life and ministry and experience the joys of seeking the Kingdom of God together through this beautiful family in ways I had not yet known. I recognize, though, that the incredible family at Wedgwood and the years I spent there were training ground for this season, and I am so thankful for the love and support of that training, sending church.

November 7: I am grateful for family and friends who generously support the work and ministry God has called me to do. Next week, I'll depart on my fifth SPARK mission trip. I love these trips and this ministry, and as much as I love what God does through us in the lives of the women we serve, I am always humbled by what He does in me as I go. This trip, I did not send out any support letters or request, yet by the first of this week, my entire trip was covered by generous family and friends who simply said, "God put in on my heart to give." That kind of affirmation is priceless.

November 8: I am grateful for the women in my Monday night Community Group and how God enriches my life through their fellowship. I spend Monday evenings with a really beautiful gathering of women. Married moms, single moms, singles, grandmothers ... it's awesome. Every week, no matter how tired I am when I get home from work or how much I wish I could just curl up at home rather than drive across town, I am always blessed by my time with them, their words of wisdom and encouragement, and their insights into Scripture and the character of God never cease to speak to me.

November 9: I am grateful that "The Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, able to rightly divide between soul and spirit, even joints and marrow, able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart," and for old Truths being made new in me. As that sweet refreshing wind of the Spirit has begun to blow again in my soul, I have been swiftly reminded of the power of God's Word, how it quenches my thirst, and satisfies my hunger like nothing else can. I am grateful that things I may have known or memorized long ago can be made fresh as they are newly and rightly applied to my life.

November 10: I am grateful for my pastor and his wife and how they sacrificially love and serve me, our church, and this community. It's a new experience for me to have a pastor who I also call friend. As I spend time with him and his wife and family, I am so blessed by their willingness to sacrifice home and comfort and security and so much more to be here, to follow God's call, to serve this community. I learn so much from and am challenged frequently by their example.

Birthday Week Playlist

2011-10-13T09:56:00.004-05:00

I know you're all just dying to know what I'm listening to this week!

Rolling In the Deep - Adele - "I can't help feeling we could have had it allllllllll ..."
Kick Drum Heart - The Avett Brothers - "It's not the chase that I love; it's me following you!"
Autumn - Ben Rector - "And you can't see the Spring till you're like the leaves here on the autumn ground."
Put Your Records On - Corinne Bailey Rae - "You go ahead, let your hair down"
Stepping Stone - Duffy
Twenty Something - Graham Colton (wishful thinking, I know!)
Rivers and Roads - The Head and The Heart
Friends, Lovers or Nothing - John Mayer "There can only be one."
Lost and Found - Katie Herzig "Oh, I'm worn by the war in me"
Always Be This Way - Martina McBride
Moves Like Jagger - Maroon 5 (that one's for AddieGirl)
Breakfast In Bed - Train "You're better than punk rock cred."
Slumber - Needtobreathe "glory's waiting outside your windows"
Brown Haired Daughter - Old 97's - "I'm afraid that this is the real thing"
I Love You But I Don't Know What to Say - Ryan Adams
Just As I Am - Shaun Groves - "I come to the Thief who's robbed every tomb!"

The Mirror of God's Word

2011-10-06T12:12:00.004-05:00

He's still working on me
To make me what I oughta be
Took Him just a week to make the moon and stars
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
'Cause He's still working on me!

Some of you (a very small few of you) are now humming a happy little tune you haven't heard in years. You're welcome.

There's a verse that goes with that song that says,

In the mirror of His Word
Reflection that I see
Makes me wonder why He never gave up on me ...

I've been thinking a lot about that mirror lately. Our church has been working through the book of Genesis since early summer, and about the time we hit Genesis 12, I started getting really fidgety. As week after week Steve extolled God's faithfulness, I began to see myself in Abraham's repeated failure to keep covenant. It was as though he was holding up a mirror, forcing me to take a good, hard look at myself.

This week, we got to Genesis 22. Abraham binds his only son, the child God promised him, the child he waited YEARS to have, on an altar and raises his knife to sacrifice him, an offering of incalculable worth. We read and heard and talked about Abraham's faith. His unwavering obedience. And, I didn't get it. I felt frustrated all over again. I could identify with the liar and the cheater and the laugher. But, this guy that hears he's supposed to sacrifice his only son and gets up EARLY the next morning, chops some wood, and sets out on a three-day journey up a mountain? Yeah, no.

I want to whine about it awhile. I have whined about it awhile. Why must following God be so stinking hard? Why must He demand so stinking much? Why is it never enough until He's got our everything? Why does He let us taste the promise only to ask for it back?

Listening to the discussion during a community group meeting last night, it hit me. Isaac wasn't the fulfillment of the promise. He was a taste of the promise. He was the tip of the iceberg. We want to focus on Isaac because he looks like the fulfillment to us, the long awaited child. But, the promise wasn't for a son, the promise was for a nation that would outnumber the stars, multitudes.

I stubbornly cling to an idol, to a promise, to what I think is the fulfillment (or maybe the betrayal) of a promise never realizing that it's only a taste of the immeasurably more than all I could ask or imagine God longs to reap through my life.

And because of Abraham’s faith, God counted him as righteous.And when God counted him as righteous, it wasn’t just for Abraham’s benefit. It was recordedfor our benefit, too, assuring us that God will also count us as righteous if we believe in him, the one who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. Romans 4:22-24

Believe Me Now

2011-09-13T11:06:00.002-05:00

Music is powerful. Just a few familiar notes can instantly transport me to another time and place entirely.

This morning, I thought it would be fun to put my entire music collection on "shuffle all" and just see what happened. I was so buried in my work that the music faded until it was just part of the background noise. Most of the first few songs were recently familiar, my mind didn't have to think hard or travel far when hearing them.

But, then I had such a strange experience. My body/emotions reacted to it so quickly my mind had to catch up. As the very familiar lines of Steven Curtis Chapman's (I know! I know!) "Believe Me Now" played over my speakers, I was suddenly blinking back tears. What in the world?!?

I was a brokenhearted girl in her mid-20's who had just climbed back into her own car after crying her way through an entire worship service. I was broken in such a way that I no longer recognized myself, and all of the things I thought I'd known had become so foreign. And, I was being called to something that felt impossible. I was surrendered, but I was terrified and terribly lonely. I got in my car, cranked the engine, and the first lines of an unfamiliar song filled the empty space. The lyrics spoke so specifically to all that I was wrestling with that I honestly wondered if God Himself had invaded my radio and was singing directly to me.

I know that you don't have the strength to fight
But do you have the faith to stand?
and Believe Me now
Believe Me here
Remember all the times I've told you loud and clear
I am with you and I am for you

I know all the fears you're feeling now
But do you remember who I am?
Do you believe Me now?
Believe Me here

I am the God who never wastes a single hurt that you endure
My words are true, and all My promises are sure
So believe Me now

That song didn't fix or change a single thing about my circumstances in that season, but it did serve as a beautiful reminder to me of God's character and that no matter what I thought or felt, I was not alone or broken beyond repair. Today, with the familiar words and sounds, the conviction of that truth came rushing back. The sweetness and intimacy of that dark moment sitting alone and feeling fully known and seen by my Creator. And, the reminder that He is today exactly who He was on that day.

... I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day. - I Timothy 1:12

WCAGLS: Steven Furtick Session Six Takeaways

2011-08-12T18:21:00.000-05:00

Takeaway One: Thank God for everything before asking Him for anything.

So what?: I will continue to develop the discipline of gratitude. I will work to recognize the every day graces of life and thank God for them, recognizing that if He never did another thing for me, I've already been blessed beyond all measure.

Takeaway Two: We can get excellent teaching and gather excellent teams, but "only God can make it rain." I can't expect God's blessing on my work unless I do it God's way. (2 Kings 3:9-20)

So what? All of my best efforts to grow and develop and cultivate leadership are in vain apart from the power of God poured through my life. I will quit believing that I can accomplish anything of eternal value in my own pitiful strength, wit, or wisdom.

Takeaway Three: If the size of the vision that you have for your ministry isn't intimidating to you, there's a good chance that it's insulting to God. Noah looked stupid building a boat ... until the rain came.

So what? I will repent of small dreams. I will repent of doubt. I will ask God to fill my heart and my dreams with things that only He can accomplish.

WCAGLS: Seth Godin Session Five Takeaways

2011-08-12T16:11:00.000-05:00

Takeaway One: If you want to do work that matters, you don't have to do it by yourself. People long to be in sync, and they need someone to show up and lead them.

So what?: I will quit throwing pity parties for the lonely leader and assuming that I must work as a long ranger. I will work to rally others around a common mission to accomplish Kingdom-sized tasks.

Takeaway Two: Art is the risky human act of doing something you haven't done before for someone else with someone else. Mass production leads not just to interchangeable parts but also to interchangeable people.

So what? I will quit working so hard at fitting in and choose to do and be the things that make me original. And, I will celebrate originality in others. I will look for the people who are being effective by doing something unique and encourage them to keep moving forward.

Takeaway Three: We are constantly looking for a reason not to do our art, not to put ourselves on the line.

So what? I will practice being someone who looks for reasons and ways to say "yes." To myself and to others. My favorite leaders and coworkers are those who consistently come up with new ways to say "yes" rather than the frustration of those who give me ten different reasons why something won't work before they've even tried it.

Bonus: If all you can offer in your institution is that you're the "local" church, it's not going to get you where you want to go. Quit bowling. Bowling is not an exciting spectator sport. It's borning and the goal is perfection. What people talk about, what spreads the word is something people don't expect. Nobody talks about a brown cow. The only cow people talk about is a purple one.

If failure is not an option, then neither is success. It's impossible to do art without failure.

WCAGLS: Brenda Salter McNeil Session Four Takeaways

2011-08-12T14:00:00.001-05:00

Takeaway One: The next generation of emerging leaders are global by default.

So what? I can no longer claim ignorance of the problems and challenges facing the world, especially other believers around the world. There is no excuse for not being informed. There is no excuse for not doing something.

Takeaway Two: The mandate is to take the message of the Gospel of the Kingdom across cultural thresholds.

So what? The promise of Acts 1:8 is that the Holy Spirit will empower believers to cross cultural divides. I have access to the power that enables me to affect change in those who look and think and act like me (Jerusalem), in those who look like me but think and act differently (Judea), and in those with whom I have no obvious commonality and potentially some hostility (Samaria).

Takeaway Three: We need Christian leaders who do not view these seismic shifts in our world as catastrophes, but as catalytic events. Summon your courage and interpret for the people you lead that God is not dead; He is alive, and He is able.

So what? It is not my job as a Christian leader to wring my hands in worry, fear, and doubt, nor to throw them up in despair. It is my job as a Christian leader to recognize that people in need of rescue are ripe for the message of a Savior. I will be ready and willing to preach Jesus in the most unlikely circumstances.

WCAGLS: Cory Booker Session Three Takeaways

2011-08-12T12:40:00.000-05:00

I became acutely aware of something about myself during Mayor Booker's session. I have a deeply held suspicion of charismatic leaders. Perhaps it is simply that I have been described as a charismatic leader from time to time, yet I am well acquainted with my own flaws and the temptation to use charm to distract from them. Whenever I sense myself being caught up and carried away by the passionate articulations of a well-spoken orator, something deep inside of me presses hard on the brakes and I pull up short. Mayor Booker gave an excellent address full of many rich sound-bites. He is a gifted and passionate communicator. I am grateful having had the opportunity to hear him today, but I had to laugh at myself for how stubbornly my mind refused to fully engage in the energy of the moment.

Soundbite One: You drink deeply from wells of freedom and opportunity that you did not dig. You have a choice. Will you grow dumb, fat, and happy consuming what you did not provide for yourself? Or will you stand up from the banquet table your ancestors prepared and metabolize your blessings to move forward.

So what? I will make a conscious choice to make the most of what was handed to me. I am often most proud of the things I've accomplished for myself, but I will practice demonstrating greater awareness of and gratitude for the gifts that are pure graces provided by the work and sacrifice of others who came before me.

Soundbite Two: What you see in the world is less a matter of the facts that are there than a reflection of who you are and the attitude of your heart.

So what? When I begin to lose sight of hope, I will remember that hope rightly placed in God does not disappoint. I will strive to cultivate a heart and attitude toward the world that reflects His heart and love for the world.

Soundbite Three: Don't trip over people God has put right in front of you for a purpose.

So what? I will pray for God to use me each and every day however He sees fit, and I will not complain when He gives me opportunities to be a blessing, a bodily extension of His hands and feet to others ... even others that don't fit into my schedule or my sensitivities.

WCAGLS: Len Schlesinger Session Two Takeaways

2011-08-12T10:24:00.000-05:00

Takeaway One: Failure doesn't mean game over. It means, try again ... with experience.

So what? I hate to fail. Hate it. I mean, 99% of the time I won't try something I might be bad at doing. I live a very safe (aka: boring) life most of the time. I fear the stigma of failure. I fear the misery of failure. I fear the defeat of failure. I hate to fail. But, I've lived long enough to know there's not really any other way to succeed but to endure some failure. I will strive not to fear failure but to embrace it as an opportunity to learn and to do better with the next attempt. I will not be paralyzed by the fear of failure. I will continue to attempt new and greater things despite my fear.

Takeaway Two: Nobody can ride one business model through the life of his career. Adapt.

So what? It is okay if what once worked is no longer effective. It doesn't mean it never worked. It's okay to embrace new ideas and change. A very wise 78 year old woman reminded me earlier this week, "All that is old is not bad, and all that is new is not good; neither is all that is old good, or all that is new bad."

Takeaway Three: In the face of unknowability (an uncertain future), rational behavior requires small steps based on what you've got in hand. Start with what you care about.

So what? Doing something is better than doing nothing. I don't know what my organization or program looks like a year from now, but I do know who and what I have been given today, and I can move forward tomorrow with those provisions. I exhaust myself (and many around me) with my attempts to see the future. Rather than worrying about what might happen down the road, I can move forward by concerning myself with finding firm ground for the very next step in front of me.

WCAGLS: Bill Hybels Session One Takeaways

2011-08-12T08:51:00.000-05:00

Every year my faithful blog readers endure with me through a series of posts from a Leadership Conference that makes me absolutely giddy. It fills my head with so many profound thoughts and fuels my passion for leadership in ways that make me a little dangerous at times. Normally, I just use these posts to regurgitate my notes, but I thought this year, I'd try to process my thoughts out a little further for you and tell you what I actually hope to do with all this wonderful and glorious information.

The only Leadership Summit faculty member you can count on hearing from year after year is Bill Hybels, and the reality is, he is by far the best of them all.

Takeaway One: Leaders need to be incurable, insatiable learners. When a leader stops learning, he stops leading.

So What?: This year I did something I've never done. I created a reading list at the start of the year. And, I've kept track of what I'm reading. I renewed my library card, and I've availed myself of all the riches available through Fort Worth's very excellent library system. And, in the process, I'm becoming a better leader, and yet, I find myself wishing I had the ability to consume more, especially true stories about the ordinary lives of courageous men and women. They remind me that I am not alone when I come up against difficult days. I will continue to make the most of every opportunity to learn.

Takeaway Two: Part of my job as a leader is to look problems straight in the eye, call them what they are, not be intimidated by them, arrest them, and put them on a new curve.

So what? I will quit complaining that leadership is hard. That's a given. In my lines of work and ministry, problems most often come in the form of people. I will quit acting surprised when problems arise. I will deal honestly and directly with them with a commitment to a gracious and generous love for every individual.

Takeaway Three: How you finish is how you'll always be remembered.

So what? With God's help, I will not be remembered for being a slow starter. I will not be remembered for the years I've wasted. I will not be remembered for all the times I fail (I will fail plenty and often). I will be remembered for boldly following Him and being used by Him to love and live courageously. I will strive to make each year of leadership better than the last, and to be remembered as one who consistently pointed others to Christ.

Homesick

2011-08-11T20:50:00.000-05:00

I don't think about heaven enough.
And, I really don't write about it enough.
This week, I can't help but think about it.

Right now, friends are travelling back from Ethiopia where they hoped to meet the children their hearts have already claimed.
Right now, friends are praying anxiously for the health of a baby boy suffering from Malaria in the Congo, a baby boy they've already named, the son of their hearts.
Right now, a sister is weeping over the brokenness of her father who is once again in the grips of alcoholism.
Right now, a sister sits by the bedside of her 33 year old husband who has not breathed on his own for nearly three weeks, his body ravaged by an unknown infection.
Right now, a family grieves the sudden loss of a husband, father, grandfather.
Right now, a family wrestles with difficult choices as their savings dwindles to nothing and they wait prayerfully for news from the latest round of job interviews.
Right now, a sister makes a choice every single day to work hard, stay clean and prays nothing happens to prevent her 8 month old daughter from being returned to her custody next week.
Right now, a brother prays that someone will look past the things he's done and see who he is and give him a real chance to build a life on this side of the bars.
Right now, a pastor battered by the humanity of his most recent congregation prays for a new direction for himself and his family.
Right now, a soldier endures separation from his loved ones, scorching heat, and hostile enemies.
Right now, a mother prays moment by moment for a miraculous demonstration of provision to meet her family's most basic needs.

And, I don't just think about heaven or write about heaven.
I long for heaven.

For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.

2 Corinthians 5:4

Sweeter Than the Day Before

2011-07-13T07:59:00.001-05:00

July 13. I've written about it here and here and here.

I'm hard-pressed this year to find a fresh way to talk about it. Yet, I'm unwilling to let it go by unheralded.

I think, this year, perhaps more than ever, I am aware of just how much life in Christ is the extravagant grace of God poured out on me. See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! (I John 3:1)

My life is not at all about me. It really is ultimately God's story. His grace. His willingness to pour out Christs' blood, to accept that sacrifice in place of the insurmountable debt of my sin. It's about His faithful covenant-keeping despite all of my weaknesses and failures. It's about His ability to make beauty from ashes, to use what would otherwise be useless for the sake of declaring His glory. He alone is worthy, and He alone gets all the praise for any good in me. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ. (Ephesians 1:7-10)

I no longer feel like a child. I no longer feel ashamed of how old I am or how long we've walked together. I only look toward the days ahead and pray that with each passing year, you would see less and less of me and more and more of Him. ... the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the Lord’s people. To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ. (Colossians 1:26-28)

Things I Learned from Big Dave

2011-06-19T08:04:00.000-05:00

1. Always do what you know to be right.

2. Sometimes nice guys pretend to be jerks. Ignore what he says; watch what he does.

3. Sports announcers on the radio are better than the ones on TV.

4. Football is cool. (I won't repeat what he taught me about soccer.)

5. Honor your father and mother. (Loved listening to him call his own Dad this morning!)

6. Defensive driving is good. Offensive driving is better.

7. Old people are cool and tell great stories. Value the wisdom of those who've walked before you.

8. Cherish opportunities to be with those you love. "It will never be just like this again."

9. Investing in people reaps lasting rewards.

10. Be kind and compassionate, forgiving one another just as Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32)

God Has Brought Me Laughter

2011-05-31T16:36:00.000-05:00

Mother's Day this year was harder on me than I expected it to be. Normally, the "stress" of Mother's Day is finding an appropriate way to honor the woman who gave me life and let me live through those teen years and became my close friend and confidante. This year, my thoughts were a bit more inward.

At 32 and single, this was the first year I was truly tempted to grieve on Mother's Day, tempted to throw myself a pity party over the idea that Mother's Day may never be my day. It sounds weird, I know, especially for my male readers. Stick with me, I promise this post isn't about my ticking bio-clock. Promise. The thing is, I've said repeatedly over the years that I am not even sure I want to have kids. I'm a little afraid I'd be terrible at motherhood, but I guess, because of the selfish brat that I am (further proof I'd probably be a bad mom), I want the option. I want it to be MY choice, not a choice that's made for me by the passing of years.

I didn't give in to the temptation to grieve. I didn't wallow. In fact, as I talked these thoughts over with a friend that Sunday night, I told her I was fairly certain that as soon as I give in and let myself have a pity party over something I'm not even sure I want and something I definitely can't control, God will step in and show me how big and how good He is by satisfying all of my desires with good things (Psalm 103:5) and make me feel ridiculous. It would be something I'd have to laugh at myself over, and everyone else would laugh to, and say, "See?! Told you so!"

The very next morning, our Bible study lesson from Kelly Minter's No Other Gods study came from Genesis 16, the story of Sarah, and the dangers of trying to fulfill God's promises in our own folly. In case your memory's fuzzy, Sarah's the one who didn't have kids, but God has promised her husband Abraham that he would be the father of many nations. Sarah gets tired of waiting on God to open her aging womb, so she tells her husband to sleep with her maid Hagar. Hagar, of course, gets pregnant right away and family chaos ensues. Sarah is every bit as unhappy and dissatisfied as before. Then, the lesson had us look a few chapters over, in Genesis 21, God fulfills His promise to Abraham through Sarah, and she gives birth to a son, Isaac. This was a very familiar story, and if you'd asked me, I may have even known what the name Isaac meant, but reading it on the heels of the previous evenings lament, it took on such a sweet personal significance. Sarah named the promised baby Isaac, meaning laughter, and she said, "The Lord has brought me laughter, and all who hear it, will laugh with me." (Genesis 21:6)

Sarah's words, recorded in ancient scripture were so similar to my own that I had to sit and just marvel. I have no idea what God's got in store for my life. I have no idea if it includes marriage or children or a life time of serving him with all the freedom singleness offers, but I believe with everything in me that when the story is told I will laugh (probably loudly) with joyful delight over how well God fulfills His plans for my life. He who does exceedingly, abundantly beyond all I ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20) has never failed me.

The Lord is my strength; He will make my feet like deer's feet, and He will make me walk on high hills. Habakkuk 3:19

For you make me glad, Lord, by your deeds; I sing for joy at what your hands have done for me.

Psalm 92:4

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

Proverbs 31:25

Great Day's Should Be Remembered

2011-05-30T16:19:00.000-05:00

My heart is very happy this afternoon. These are the things I want to remember about this day:

1. Early morning. My day started unintentionally early. I was awake long before my alarm went off. I made a quick trip to an uncrowded grocery store, then came home, cleaned up and enjoyed an unhurried time with my Bible and a cup of coffee. It was nothing short of delightful.

2. Memorial Day Brunch. Everyone else plans Memorial Day bar-b-ques, but we planned a Memorial Day brunch. It's basically an excuse to get friends together, fix an awesome mid-morning meal, and have the rest of the day left to play. The idea seemed strange to me when I first heard it, but having experienced my first Memorial Day Brunch, I think I'm hooked. French Toast, scrambled eggs, waffles, fruit salad, kolaches, sausage, and mimosas? Yes, please!

3. Pool Time. I really love an afternoon by the water with a good book, and the company of good friends is like icing on the cake. My apartment pool is particularly entertaining to me because about 2:00 p.m., it starts to look like a scene from MTV Spring Break. It's a little out of control, but it's some great people watching. I also love any setting with friends where there's opportunity for lazy, rambling conversation that may or may not lead to profound discoveries. And, listening to the college kids beside us try to figure out Bill Clinton was impeached or not (and what exactly impeachment is) was priceless.

4. Afternoon nap. The best follow up to pool time is a cool shower, lots of lotion, and a few hours of free time before evening plans. One of my favorite things is laying under a blanket while my hair's still wet and allowing myself the luxury of doing nothing for an hour or two before I finish getting dressed.

5. Community Group. I appreciate that the women in our Monday Night Community Group love one another and the study of God's Word so much that they didn't want to take the week off. I love being with them, learning from them, and the privilege of speaking into their lives.

Today is, of course, Memorial Day, a day set aside to honor the memories of the men and women who've served our country's armed forces and defended our freedoms. I am deeply moved this year by that notion, particularly at the thought of two very dear brothers and their current military service. It's so easy as I go through my regularly scheduled life not to think about what thousands of families are sacrificing daily to provide such comfort and ease for the rest of us. May we never forget.

Chase the Lion

2011-05-27T09:41:00.000-05:00

"Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Grab life by the mane. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God.Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Expand your horizons. Accumulate experiences. Consider the lilies. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshiping what's right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze a new trail. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you're not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away. Chase the lion."

- Mark Batterson

My Latest Playlist

2011-05-16T12:29:00.000-05:00

So, besides Baseball Fanatics, I've also got a bunch of Music Snobs in my life these days. Erin's been working hard with me for years now to expand my musical knowledge and palette. Steve, Jason, and Erika have joined in the fun, too, at times. It might be a hopeless effort, but here's my current eclectic list of "Songs I Love":

Love Is You - Chrisette Michele
The First Snowflake - Boy Least Likely To
Harder Than Easy - Jack Savoretti
Everything Sad Is Coming Untrue - Jason Gray
She's Like Texas - Josh Abbott Band
When You Find Me - Joshua Radin
Incomplete and Insecure - The Avett Brothers
I've Got This Friend - The Civil Wars
Lorelai - Fleet Foxes
Towering - Seryn
You're The Reason I Come Home - Ron Pope
Marry Me - Train
Beautiful Things - Gungor
Holding My World - Kristian Stanfill
Blessings - Laura Story
LA River - HoneyHoney

What I Should(n't) Have Said

2011-05-02T22:00:00.000-05:00

My head and heart are EXHAUSTIFIED tonight. I've been on a roller coaster ride of thought loops ever since news broke last night that Osama Bin Laden had been killed -- finally.

One thing I know FOR SURE tonight. It's never a good idea to break my own rules. I have just a few rules for myself. Every single one of them has been established to keep me from making painful mistakes, and breaking them almost always leads me directly to the pain I was attempting to avoid. The rule I broke last night? Using short-form social media (Twitter, Facebook Status) when emotional about a subject to attempt to succinctly communicate very complex thoughts.

I shouldn't have said anything.

If I was going to say something, it should have been timed differently ... and it should have been here, not there.

I should have led with a few disclaimers, such as:

I am exceedingly grateful to our military. A lump swells in my throat at the sight of a man or woman in uniform. Every. Single. Time. I appreciate more than I will EVER be able to say any who has been willing to put his or her life on the line to protect my freedom.
I know that Osama Bin Laden deserved death. I don't wish we'd captured him and given him a "fair" trial.
I am relieved that his reign of terror is over. I am grateful that specific threat is undone.
I do not begrudge the world for being elated over the achievement of a tactical military goal that will hopefully bring us another step closer to the end of a long season of war.
I have not confused relief or the rightful celebration of "justice" with the celebration of a soul in hell.

That being said, when I tweeted the following thought and Scripture, I was specifically troubled by Christians, especially influential leaders, who were openly mocking a soul in hell.

"Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways & live? Ezek.18:23"
"It seems incongruous to me that we who believe hell exists could rejoice in the death of any man who would go there."
"Food for Thought tonight: Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, let not your heart rejoice when he stumbles."

A sample of the type of sentiment from influential church leaders to which I was responding?:

Now would be a good time to ask Is there a Hell? & is Bin Laden there? The answer is YES AND YES. Justice wins!!

I could quote PLENTY of others, but I'll just stop with that one. The thoughts that kept me up last night and have weighed heavily on my heart throughout the day:

ALL of us apart from Christ deserve death and hell (eternal separation from God). See, Ephesians 2:1-7 Hell is a horrific reality. Because I believe in hell, I cannot rejoice in or make light of it. At all. For anyone. I know that death is a part of life. I know that bad guys lose and good guys win (sometimes), and we cheer when the good guys win. I know that there are dozens of examples throughout the Old Testament where God grants victory in battle to His people, Israel, and they celebrate. I get it. I'm not naive or ignorant, but I am conflicted.

I just can't reconcile that the same people who argued vehemently just a few weeks ago that there is indeed a hell and it is indeed eternal punishment apart from God are now rejoicing that someone would go there. Incongruous.

I believe there's a hell. I believe OBL is very likely there. I believe that God has sovereign control in the universe, and is therefore ultimately responsible for his punishment. I do not believe God takes any pleasure in his destruction.

Other bloggers, much more eloquent than I on the subject of reconciling these difficult ideas:

Aaron Lutz
Shaun Groves
Christopher Morgan

Baseball?

2011-04-28T11:51:00.000-05:00

I've taken a lot of (good-natured) teasing recently about my new interest in the Texas Rangers. Admittedly, I'm a bandwagon fan. I didn't begin paying attention until they began winning consistently and the season got exciting last summer/fall.

However, the idea that I hate baseball is one I frequently have to put down. I do not (nor have I ever) hated baseball. I've known very little about baseball. I've understood very little about baseball. I've had few reasons to be interested in baseball. Hate is a strong word; apathetic would be a more appropriate term for my attitude toward baseball in the past.

Here's the deal, even now, as much as I'm enjoying the Rangers and keeping up with their season, it's got very little to do with a newfound love for baseball. I'll tell you a secret about me, and if you can keep this one in mind, it'll unlock many mysteries concerning me. I love people. Period.

In this current season of my life, I am surrounded (constantly, it seems) by baseball loving fanatics. They watch baseball, they go to baseball games, they talk about baseball, they even play fantasy baseball. And, I love these people. I think they're pretty fun and cool and interesting people, and I enjoy being around them. So, I am learning about baseball. And, surprisingly, it's been kind of interesting. There's a lot more strategy and skill to the game than I ever imagined. But, the joy in it for me is getting to participate in something for which the people I love have a passion.

Spark St Louis Trip Report

2011-04-18T22:13:00.001-05:00

Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shelters [her] all day long. The one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders. Deuteronomy 33:12

Spark St. Louis was my third Spark adventure, and I'm noticing a theme. Each trip is the "best ever." They just keep getting better.

Let me begin by saying that the prayer support we felt throughout this weekend was remarkable. As a team, we felt held together by God Himself. We sensed His beautiful presence in so many of our moments together with the girls at Mercy Ministries. 24 of us traveled to St. Louis physically, but hundreds went with us spiritually.

Several things made this trip different than others. First, the fact that Mercy has such a young population. Working with women who are 18-28 and have their whole lives ahead of them was so cool. Working with such young women who've been wounded in such profound ways was also heartbreaking. Second, being at Mercy is a choice for these women. Each of them has willfully chosen to be there, and is working hard at recovery and healing every single day. That desire to be free deeply impacts they way they listen to and respond to the messages we share about their identity in Christ and all that He has for them. Third, the staff at Mercy are amazing, and their support of us and all that we were doing with the girls was such a boost!

Reasons I love Spark Ministry and am so grateful I got to be in St. Louis this weekend:

1. Baby Sparks! We had no fewer than 9 first timers on this trip, and I had the privilege of being the "BabySpark Herder" much of the time -- riding in the van with most of them and encouraging them throughout the weekend. Four of them were young women in their early twenties, two of them Mercy graduates themselves. And, they did serve beautifully. I was in awe of how they stepped up and worked hard and shared their own lives and testimonies so courageously.

2. Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion. -- Steel Magnolias. Spark trips are filled with emotion. Spark women are some of the most alive women I've ever had the privilege of knowing. They laugh freely, never taking themselves seriously, but always taking any opportunity to have fun very seriously. They are truly Proverbs 31:25 kind of women, "She is clothed with strength and dignity. She laughs without fear of the future." Our work is weighty, but we never lose sight of the fact that God is on His throne and He makes all things beautiful.

3. Transparency. Spark is made up of some of the most real women I've ever known. Every single one of them is remarkable in her own right, and none of them bears any pretense when serving. This weekend alone, the testimonies we heard from Spark team members were of sexual abuse, eating disorders, unplanned pregnancy, loss of a spouse, loss of a parent, unforgiveness, anger with God, and the illness of a child. The way that God seemed to demolish emotional and spiritual barriers through the words of these brave testimonies was a powerful thing to watch. For we were not making up clever stories when we told you about the powerful coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. We saw his majestic splendor with our own eyes, II Peter 1:16

4. Adopt-a-Sister. What a gift to be able to tell those women that they were being prayed for by name throughout our time together. The way that reality would sink in then light up their faces was priceless! Being able to hug them and whisper the name of the person praying for them was so very sweet. Later this week or next, they will receive notes of encouragement from the friends who adopted them in prayer, a pick-me-up reminder that they are thought of and prayed for by people they've never even met!

5. Transformation. My favorite small group session is the last one on Sunday. That's when I get to ask the girls a simple question, "A year from now when you've forgotten our names, what are you going to remember about this weekend?" To hear them talk about encountering the extravagant love of God, realizing that God is a fun God who does permit laughter and dancing, to hear them talk about truly experiencing the freedom of being able to forgive someone who had wronged them deeply, or to hear that even though they don't yet feel lovable the weekend made them want to keep fighting for that peace makes it all so very worthwhile.

All the Posts I'm Not Writing

2011-04-11T09:14:00.000-05:00

This morning, I've got a number of thoughts rattling around in my head that I'd love to have time to write about, but truthfully, I just don't have it in me to develop any of them more fully at the moment.

1. My devotional reading this morning was about faith and works, and it included Luke 6:46, "Why do you call me 'Lord, Lord,' but do not do what I say?" What a heart breaking question from Jesus to his disciples, to me. Faith demands obedience. I speak volumes about my faith and the object of my faith when I refuse to obey.

2. The scripture memory verse I'm working on right now is Psalm 119:7 from the NLT, "As I learn your righteous regulations, I will thank you by living as I should!" Again, true faith and obedience cannot be separated.

3. Jeremy Powell is having brain surgery this morning to remove an infectious mass. As I pray for him, my temptation is to simply pray that he be healed, but I keep remembering the night we gathered to pray before I left on a mission trip to China several years back. Jeremy stubbornly refused to pray for my safety, but boldly prayed that God be glorified in whatever way He saw best, and that I be granted the faith and grace and courage to stand up under any trial or opportunity to declare God's glory. So, today, I do pray for a successful surgery, for the doctors' steady hands, and for Jeremy and his family to have opportunity to exalt the Lord before a watching medical community.

4. Last night I listened as a woman who was widowed unexpectedly while she still had three kids at home then watched her teenage son battle cancer just a few years later talked about how she feels blessed to have opportunity serve and minister to women who haven't had lives as "easy" as ours (indicating all the women in the room, including me). I was truly in awe.

5. The quote on my calendar for April 11 says, "What God gives in answer to our prayers will always be the thing we most urgently need, and it will always be sufficient." Elisabeth Elliot A response to that quote could take up several posts if I had the time.

That is all. For now.

Faithful Wounds

2011-04-05T13:20:00.000-05:00

Faithful are the wounds of a friend;

but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

Proverbs 27:6

If you and I have been friends for any amount of time, this verse has probably come into play at least once, probably more. I have a habit of being a very straight-talker. I learned a long time ago that it was better, more productive to speak honestly in friendship, even when it hurts. I want to love you enough to let you be mad at me. I'd rather say something and be wrong about a situation than to not say anything in loving caution and be right, letting you walk blindly into a painful experience.

I often ask myself what it looks like to love another well. What does faithfulness look like? I wish it meant just agreeing with every decision they make and encouraging any path they choose. It doesn't. More often, loving someone well means speaking hard truths, asking difficult or uncomfortable questions, gently but consistently insisting on their best over their comfort.

Why am I bringing this up now? Gratitude.

One of the keys to making this kind of friendship work is making it a two-way street. I've got to be willing to receive as good as I give. I've purposefully surrounded myself with people who value this principle as much as I do, and recently, I've had several potentially painful conversations with people who loved me enough to risk upsetting me. Faithful friends. In each case I come away feeling absolutely rich, blessed beyond measure to have friends so deeply committed to God's best in and for my life.

Faith and Prayer

2011-04-04T13:20:00.000-05:00

I haven't had much blogginess in me lately. The things the Lord is working out in me have often left me speechless lately. Literally. However, one of my joys in this season is leading a group of women on Monday nights through a study called "Becoming a Woman of Faith." This study has challenged all of us in profound ways at different points. Today, as I prepare to meet with them again, I came across the following quotes, and just couldn't not share. Hope you're blessed and challenged by them as I have been.

But I will tell you where that faith will be born, and grow big and lusty - in the heart of every one who goes off quietly every day into the quiet place with the Book, and bent knee and the bent will. Into that heart there will come the quiet assurance that what you are asking He is doing. - S.D. Gordon

To venture to pray requires our trust in the goodness of God. ... It is not the amount of my faith that matters, but where my faith is placed - in a God who makes no mistakes, who is always working for the highest and best for His children. ... Sometimes our faith can move mountains; sometimes it can only reach out and touch the hem of His garment; sometimes it simply cries out for mercy - but in all prayers of faith, in some measure, the true healing is that our eyes are opened and we see the Lord. - C. Heald

Questions We Will Be Discussing Tonight:

How is our faith impacted by the time we spend with God?
What needs, situations, or circumstances bring us repeatedly to God?
What does it mean to ask "in Jesus name" or "according to His will"?
Do our prayers for others reflect the heart of God for His people? (Ephesians 3:14-19; Colossians 1:9-12; Ephesians 6:18-20)
How might God's glory be displayed in our weaknesses, trials, or struggles?

Shout Out

2011-03-23T09:36:00.000-05:00

Today's post is a HAPPY BIRTHDAY shout out to my friend and fellow-blogger, Keri!

While Keri and I knew one another in college, it's been post-college through the magic of blogs and social media that we've been able to truly connect and find many commonalities for which I am so gratefully blessed. She is a dear encourager and someone who continually points me back to Jesus and His grace.

Happy Birthday, Dear Keri!

Happy Birthday to you!!!

A Pathway Through the Sea

2011-03-11T10:13:00.000-06:00

A massive earthquake struck Japan early this morning and triggered a devastating tsunami across the Pacific.

I awoke this morning feeling so thankful to have made it to Friday. This week was a rough one at work, nothing completely out of the ordinary, but busier, more draining than most weeks. I remember thinking on Tuesday night, "This is the LONGEST week ever." So, Friday morning seemed like some sort of triumph. Then, I began hearing the reports on the radio. When I got to work, I pulled up raw video footage of the massive waves spilling across the city. Loss. Wreckage. Devastation.

A sinking feeling settled in my gut. A heaviness pressed against my chest. The heart that felt so light only hours ago, is weighed down by sadness for a terror-struck people.

Godly friends are already posting on Facebook and Twitter, prayers for the people of Japan and Hawaii and any others who might be affected, verses about God being a refuge when the mountains tremble. I began doing my own word search through scripture, not entirely sure what I hoped to find. Compassion.

I need God to be bigger than my sorrow today. I need Him to be bigger than my questions, my doubts, my fears, and my sadness. The song playing in my speakers right now says, "No matter where I am, healing is in Your hands." I need to know that the God who allowed that devastation to break the people of Japan will also have compassion on them, help them, and heal them. And, I need to know that even today, He is good.

My searching led me to Psalm 77:9, "Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has He slammed the door on His compassion?"

It was like the Psalmist had read my mind. Knew the dark and troubled thoughts twisting my insides out this morning. I scanned up to the top of the chapter and continued reading ...

I cry out to God; yes, I shout. Oh, that God would listen to me! ... I think of God and I moan, overwhelmed with longing for His help.
Is His unfailing love gone for ever? Have His promises permanently failed?
Has the Lord forgotten to be gracious? Has He slammed the door on His compassion?
But then, I recall all You have done, O LORD; I remember Your wonderful deeds of long ago.
O, God, Your ways are holy. Is there any god as mighty as You?
You are the God of great wonders! You demonstrate Your awesome power among the nations!
Your road led through the sea, Your pathway through the mighty waters - a pathway no one knew was there!
Psalm 77:1,3,8-9,11,13,19

God, you are intimately acquainted with every man, woman, and child in the affected areas. You see every suffering soul, and you long to be gracious; you rise to show compassion (Is. 30;18). God, today, I am choosing to believe that you are good, that your compassion never fails, that you will cut a pathway through these mighty waters, one I cannot see today, one that will lead to deliverance. Rescue, Lord. Rescue.

Still Trying to Make It About Me

2011-02-16T08:52:00.000-06:00

This morning, I was thinking about something I should be doing. I was thinking about how nobody else would know or care that I hadn't done it yet, but somehow I still felt guilty. Immediately, James 4:17 came to mind. "He who knows the good he ought to do, but does not do it, sins." And, on the heels of that thought was annoyance. I can't win for losing. It's sin if I do the bad things. It's sin if I don't do the good things. Opportunities to sin abound in such a way that I just can't seem to escape them. God, you just made it too hard for me!

At that point, I guess He'd had enough of my whining because I was swiftly reminded of a very important Truth: It's not about me.

What was it I blogged just yesterday? The same King who determined the price of my sin also provided the payment for my sin. Salvation begins and ends with Him. "You did not choose me, but I have chosen you ..." "We love because He first loved us ..."

Yes, it's true, there are countless ways for me to daily transgress against a Holy God. The Law is there to make sure I understand what the standard is and just how far short I fall of meeting it. "But, thanks be to God who gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."

"And you were dead in your trespasses and sins ... BUT GOD, being rich in mercy because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ ..."

Sin abounds. It's there whether I willfully choose it, stumble into it, negligently commit it. But, grace abounds so much greater. Grace. Undeserved and freely given. Grace, greater than all my sin. Grace that begins in and proceeds from the heart of God. It is NOT about me, but I am so thankful it flows over me.

More Than a King

2011-02-15T21:31:00.000-06:00

I've had two very different praise songs stuck in my head off and on for the last several weeks. The first is Fee's "Rise and Sing." The line I get stuck on is "If you've been touched by the Mercy King, rise and sing! Rise and sing!" The other is Hillsong's "Saviour King" a song about Christ bearing the weight of our sin on the cross.

What's been strange is that sometimes, I'll hear one song but soon afterward find myself singing the other as if they were interchangeable. If you know these two songs, you know they sound nothing alike. I finally realized that I've linked the ideas of Savior King and Mercy King in my head. The idea that God was not willing to simply be the Sovereign Ruler and Judge, but chose to take on the role of Merciful Savior captivates me.

She probably won't remember this, but many years ago, Crista Bailey was helping lead University Sunday School worship and shared her thoughts with us one morning before we sang the song Amazing Love which contains the lyric "Amazing love, how can it be that you my King would die for me?" She talked about how in all of history, men died fighting for their kings, but King Jesus came and died for His people. It was one of the first times I remember clearly being struck by the magnificent reversal of the Gospel.

We have a King who determined the price of our freedom, then provided the payment with His very own blood. He is Savior and King. He is Merciful beyond our wildest comprehension. He, who alone is worthy to be highly exalted, chose the role of Servant and Sacrifice on our behalf.

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

Though he was God,

he did not think of equality with God

as something to cling to.

Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;

he took the humble position of a slave

and was born as a human being.

When he appeared in human form,

he humbled himself in obedience to God

and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor

and gave him the name above all other names,

that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,

to the glory of God the Father.

Philippians 2:5-11

The End of V-Day

2011-02-15T00:03:00.000-06:00

Some mornings start out gloriously, yet the day ends in a tangled mess of minor tragedies. I hate those days. Some mornings start out horrifically, yet somehow at the end of the day, you fall asleep with a contented smile. I much prefer those days.

Valentine's Day feels like a mine field to me. Most years I tolerate it without a strong opinion one way or the other. I smile indulgently at those who feel the need to publicly proclaim their affections, try not to roll my eyes at those who claim to be "dating Jesus", and refuse to jump on the bitter bandwagon of those who rant against it all. Still, every so often I wake on this day, and my normally level-headed, rational self has been invaded by a 20 year old drama queen who isn't capable of truth-centered thinking to save her life. Today was one of those Valentine's Days.

I had a foreboding feeling when I checked the mail last night and my annual "You'll always be my Valentine" card from Dad wasn't there. To be fair, I generally laugh at that card and tell him I'm afraid he might be right. I might always be exclusively his Valentine. But, secretly, I love that he takes the time to pick out a card and address it in his own handwriting and tell me I'm special at least to one man on this planet. But, last night, the mailbox was void of any personal mail, and dread set in.

This morning, I wasn't fully awake when my phone rang. "Dad" calling. It was the confirmation I was afraid of, no card was in the mail, just an early morning wake up call as an attempt to make up for the oversight. I don't like to be awakened by anything other than quietly playing music, so a ringing phone with an overly jovial parent pestering me just because he can was not a great beginning. (Sidenote: My dad is on the very short list of people in this world who know exactly what my buttons are and how to push them in perfect sequence to elicit a fullblown emotional display. Admittedly, this can be funny, but it's also seriously annoying.)

As I rolled slowly out of bed and began my morning routine, the drama queen took over in my thoughts. Oh, the lies she tells. She's ridiculous, and I'm ridiculous for entertaining her. She exhausts me. She is straight from the pit of hell, and she knows exactly where my weak spots, tender scars, and carefully guarded wounds hide. She pokes and prods and does her best to affirm every doubt I've ever had about myself. I spent a long miserable day telling her she was a liar, that she was not speaking the Truth, and doing my best to preach the Truth to myself louder than she was spewing her lies.

I dragged myself home, feeling utterly defeated and wondering what in the world I had to offer the sweet women in my Community Group tonight. A Bible study about "Becoming a Woman of Faith" from someone who was struggling to believe the most basic truths about her own identity in Christ? This spelled disaster. Three of the women were already there when I arrived. I listened empathetically as we stood in the kitchen and each of them exchanged war stories from the day. I knew almost instantly that none of us needed a lecture about faith as much as we needed to be heard and lifted up in prayer tonight, so I closed the book and invited the sharing. When it was my turn, I took a big deep breath, fixed my eyes on the corner of the wall across the room, and told them about my day and the drama queen in my head. They listened, and they prayed, and they hugged. And, I felt better. The day was almost over.

On my way home, I dropped by to see some friends who'd gotten together for dinner. I walked into a peaceful living room where they were enjoying a rambling conversation. I sat and listened and eventually joined in, and I laughed. I laughed that super crazy wheezing laugh that earns me strange looks and almost always gives me a headache later, but is so worth it in the moment. I sat and soaked up the joy of being in the company of people with whom I feel known and accepted. And, when I got back in my car two hours later, I realized the drama queen had finally shut up.

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try to preach the truth to ourselves, it takes hearing it from others to make it sink in. The combination of my sweet Community Group listening and praying and hugging followed by the a healthy dose of laughter in the company of great friends soothed the aching places and quieted the nagging doubts.

It's nearly midnight now. Valentine's Day 2011 has come and gone. I'm glad I didn't write about it until the end. The story wasn't over yet. It wouldn't have been complete. Tonight, I am reminded how important it is to let the story unfold, to trust the Author and believe Him when He says He does not disappoint.

To You they cried out and were delivered; In You they trusted and were not disappointed.

Psalm 22:5

Jesus Loves Jerry Jones

2011-02-07T15:23:00.000-06:00

DFW hosted the Super Bowl yesterday. Jerry Jones worked hard to win the bid to do so, and to work with the host committee to make it a profitable and pleasant experience for all who would attend. He didn’t count on a record-breaking ice/snow event shutting our fair cities down for nearly a week leading up to the Big Game. He couldn’t have foreseen it. He didn’t cause it. And, he had no power to end it.

Jerry Jones purchased the Cowboys franchise 22 years ago, and many, many die-hard fans have yet to forgive him for ousting longtime beloved coach Tom Landry in his first days as owner/general manager. Over the years, Jerry Jones has proven to be prideful, braggadocious, and greedy. He’s probably proven to be a number of other things both good and bad, but that short list will suffice for this blog. Some people have the wisdom and self-restraint to not say anything about the man. Many freely deride him, his decisions, and his character. Few speak well of him. I think little of him at all.

Jesus loves him.

I can’t get over that Truth today. As I read and listen to various broadcasters spouting their opinions. As I read others' social media posts about the freak winter weather being evidence of God's opinion about Mr. Jones. One thing goes through my head: Jesus loves Jerry Jones. Jesus died to offer eternal life and right standing with God to Jerry Jones. Jerry is a public figure, and his sins are frequently on public display. But, in my heart of hearts, I am no less prideful, braggadocious, or greedy apart from the transforming work of Christ. I am no less condemnable apart from Jesus. This is an awe-full truth.

Jesus loves me. And, Jesus loves Jerry Jones.

O Come, All Ye Faithful

2010-12-23T11:33:00.000-06:00

Yea, Lord, we greet thee,

Born this happy morning;

Jesus, to thee be glory given;

Word of the Father,

Now in flesh appearing;

O Come, let us adore Him;
O Come, let us adore Him;

O Come, let us adore Him, Christ the Lord!

And the Word (Christ) became flesh (human, incarnate) and tabernacled (fixed His tent of flesh, lived awhile) among us; and we [actually] saw His glory (His honor, His majesty), such glory as an only begotten son receives from his father, full of grace (favor, loving-kindness) and truth.

John 1:14 (AMP)

Ridiculous

2010-12-22T17:58:00.000-06:00

Ridiculous [rid-ik-yuh-luhs] – causing or worthy of ridicule or derision; absurd; preposterous; laughable

I used this word in two different ways today.

First, I am a ridiculous person.

Second, God is ridiculous in His steadfast lovingkindness toward me.

In speaking about myself, I meant it in the worst possible sense of the word. In speaking about the Lord, I meant it in the best possible sense of the word. I was right on both accounts.

I’ve read my Bible in personal devotion exactly twice in the last two weeks. In place of time in the Word, I’ve wallowed in laziness, self-pity, foolish choices, and cynicism. I’ve mocked God’s sovereignty, calling His provision coincidence with bitterness in my heart.

Last week, I picked my Bible up, turned the pages flippantly to that day’s reading, and rolled my eyes as I began to read Psalm 136. Repetition drives me nuts, so the fact that the one day I decided to read fell on the same day I was assigned to read a Psalm that repeats the same phrase over and over again, annoyed me greatly. But, I pressed on, reading twenty-six times over, “The steadfast love of the LORD endures forever.” I remember thinking vaguely that I’d taught others in the past that the Lord repeats things in Scripture because they’re important, and they’re things we’re likely to forget. In my self-centeredness I missed the point, though. I couldn’t have felt less lovable that day, and the Lord had sovereignly ordained that I would read over and over again that His love for me knows no end. Ridiculously foolish of me. Ridiculously gracious of Him.

This week, I woke once again in a self-loathing mood. I sat down and wrote a long, grumbling, pitiful journal entry acknowledging that I had indeed given up on myself and suggesting to God that He should do the same. I’m obviously a very slow learner. (Ridiculously slow!) It would be ridiculous of Him to continue wasting time, love, grace on me. Surely others are much more deserving (of "undeserved favor"). I didn’t even read my Bible. I was out of time because I took so long throwing my pity party. I arrived at work, turned on my computer, and began clicking through my RSS Feeds. My daily Bible reading plan was obviously very back logged, so almost mindlessly, I clicked on the audio feed for the day’s reading without even looking to see what it was. A few moments later, I recognized the promise-filled words of Isaiah 54 filling my speakers. Here’s just a snippet of what I heard,

For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed,

but my steadfast love shall not depart from you,

and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,"

says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

"O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted,

behold, I will set your stones in antimony,

and lay your foundations with sapphires.

Isaiah 54:10-11

I sat there, stunned and teary-eyed. And, I thought to myself, “How many times is God going to tell me that His love for me is steadfast before I stop being surprised by the steadfastness of His love?”

Ridiculous!

Expectations

2010-12-20T10:30:00.000-06:00

Recently, the idea was raised that perhaps it is our expectations that get us into trouble in life and with the Lord. We pray with an expected outcome in mind, and we are disappointed when something other than what we imagined best comes to pass. One friend stated that it is his practice to pray without expectation. To say that this bothered and confounded me would be putting it mildly. I’ve continued to chew on this thought for several weeks now.

In one sense, praying without expectations sounds good to me. It definitely sounds safe to me, and my closest friends will tell you that I almost always choose "safe" when it comes to my emotions. If I don’t have expectations, I can’t be disappointed. I hate being disappointed. I can flow along life’s crooked stream without questioning the path or the length of the journey. I will not wrestle with any pesky impediment because I had no expectation for the path to be smooth.

In thinking along these lines, I wrote the following thoughts last week …

If my life’s joy is wrapped up in a specific answer from God, I’m likely to be sorely disappointed over and over again. If, however, He Himself is my joy and delight, the answer is inconsequential. When He is my hope, I’m not praying for a job; I’m praying for provision. I’m not praying for a mate; I’m praying for contentment. I’m not praying for physical healing; I’m praying for God’s glory to be displayed through suffering or His power to be displayed through miraculous intervention. I’m not praying for the waiting to end; I’m praying that I am formed more and more into the likeness of Christ. My eager hope and expectation is not in the answer but in the One who provides the answer. I do not pray hoping that He will be good, but knowing that He is good and asking Him to reveal that goodness.

When I pray with only my idea of what is good in mind, I will likely never know how many better things I’m leaving on the table. The same psalmist who wrote, “The nearness of God is my good,” also wrote, “God is near to the brokenhearted.” Sometimes, good is a broken heart that brings us near to God. Until I have accepted that truth, I have not fully put my hope in Him. And, until I value that nearness of God more than I value my own circumstantial happiness, I am willing to settle for far less than best.

So, I began trying to pray that way. The problem was, I sounded vague and distant even to my own ears. The best/worst analogy I can come up with for this is dating. I hate dating. I think it’s miserable and terrifying. We spend time, money, and emotion getting to know someone, slowly pealing back all the layers of our protective personal walls, revealing our true selves to another person, knowing with each revelation that there’s the potential for someone to say, “Yeah, that’s too much. That’s going to be more than I want to work through. See ya.” It’s agonizing. And, when it’s over, and we rebuild those walls we’d taken down, we add another layer to protect us from the next one.

As a result of that attitude toward dating, I tend to approach relationships with men without expectations. I am guarded and vague and always fun and light-hearted and easy going. If hurt, I deal with it at home. If angry, I step away, re-evaluate and decide if I want to get over it or just put more space between me and the person who angered me. So far, it’s been a very safe (and lonely) way to go through life. I don’t get hurt often, but that’s generally because I never give anyone enough of myself for him to truly be able do any damage.

Sometimes, when God has not done things the way I wanted (expected) Him to do them, I’ve taken the same approach. I back off, tell Him less about my feelings and hopes, let Him do His thing while I do mine, and tell myself it’s better that way. I mean, He is God and He's going to get His way anyway, right? A relationship without expectations.

The problem with that approach is Scripture always gets in my way. “…in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God …” “… pour out your heart to Him, O people …” “Call to Me and I will show you great and mighty things that you do not know.” “He who comes must believe that God is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him diligently.” “If we ask anything according to His will, we know that He hears us and if He hears us, we know that we have whatever we ask.” “Ask, and it will be given to you. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened.”

You and I have been invited to intimacy with the Lord. He’s welcomed us to pour out our hearts before Him, not because He intends to grant every desire, but because He wants to work though each of them with us. When I don’t acknowledge the desires of my heart before Him, whether pleasing, confusing, or downright sinful, I am denying myself the opportunity to enjoy the fullness of intimacy to which He has invited me, to know Him and to be known by Him.

Trust in the LORD, and do good;

Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.

Delight yourself also in the LORD,

   And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD,
   Trust also in Him, a
nd He shall bring it to pass.
He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
   And your justice as the noonday.

Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him;
   Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
   Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.
Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;
   Do not fret—it only causes harm.

For evildoers shall be cut off;
   But those who wait on the LORD, t
hey shall inherit the earth.
Psalm 37:3-9

Meals on Wheels: Unflattery

2010-12-17T15:06:00.001-06:00

One afternoon, the guy I was dating at the time went with me to deliver meals. Our route took us by the home of John, a client I saw weekly and with whom I had a very friendly relationship. When we walked up to the door, John pulled a "dad" move and stuck out his hand with a very formal introduction. I just smiled.

The next week, I returned on my own for my regular visit, and John says, "So, Kristen ... that young man with you last week ... was that your ... son?" WHAT?!?! I explained that he was a friend, my age. He had facial hair for pete's sake!

John just put his hand on his head and groaned, "Oh, Darlin', what have I done? I meant to say 'husband' ... Is he your husband?!" I just laughed. John said sheepishly, "Gosh, I just wanted to know if that was my competition." Ha! "Too late, John -- damage done."

I couldn't help but laugh, but it was by far the most offensive thing ever asked by a client. :-)

Joy To The World

2010-12-15T10:11:00.000-06:00

Who doesn't love Joy to the World? I mean, seriously. It's just plain old good news. You've got to love that. I was reading Luke 2 earlier today, the passage where the angel appears to the shepherds and scares them half to death then announces, "We bring tidings of great joy which shall be to all people ..." Great Joy. To all people. A baby, a Savior. This changes everything.

He rules the world with truth and grace,
and makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness,
and wonders of His love
and wonders of His love
And wonders, wonders, of His love.

If I'm not careful, I dread Christmas. Modern Christmas. The busyness, the pressure to buy the perfect gifts, the unholy desire to impress others with my ability to "keep Christ in Christmas". Writing these posts, reflecting on these lyrics, really does remind me what it is we're celebrating. It's a big deal because He is a big deal. A baby born in a remote village on the other side of the world over two thousand years ago changed my life. And whether you know it or not, He changed yours, too.

I got a text from a friend this weekend asking me to pray that she'd be able to really experience an understanding of God's love for her deep down inside. I thought of her when I was reading these lyrics, the wonders of His love.

A popular worship song I love to crank up loudly in my car has a line in it that says, "I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves us, Oh, how He loves us!" That's the joy to the world, the coming of One who freed us from sin and from ourselves. The One who had every right to condemn us in His righteousness, chose to pursue us with a wondrous love instead.

We don't sing the third verse very often, but with all these things in mind, read it afresh today:

No more let sins and sorrows grow,
Nor thorns infest the ground;
He comes to make His blessings flow
Far as the curse is found,
Far as the curse is found,
Far as, far as the curse is found!

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might dare to die. But God demonstrates His love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:6-8

I am NOT a Medical Professional

2010-12-14T14:59:00.000-06:00

I joked often when I was a case manager that I needed some sort of badge that read plainly, "This Person Is Not a Medical Professional." For some reason, people frequently wanted to show me their wounds or scars or ask my opinion about an ailment -- opinions I was not qualified to offer.

One afternoon, I went to see one of my favorites, an elderly widower named Cliff. He always seemed thankful for company and willing to sit and chat for a while. I arrived and he told me how pretty I looked. We sat and began to visit, and I asked about his health. -- At this point, it is important to tell you that Cliff was not wearing a shirt. -- He began reaching over his large pot belly and messing with the elastic waistband of his shorts saying slowly, "Well, I've got something you may want to feel." I sat frozen on the sofa at this point, holding my breath until he stopped at his belly button and added, "I've got a knot come up here, and I don't know what it is."

The man wanted me to stick my finger in his belly button and feel of what was surely a hernia! I informed him that I was not a nurse and that he would have to talk with his doctor about that.

Come, Thou Long Expected Jesus

2010-12-12T14:22:00.000-06:00

So, I'm a blended worship girl. I like it all. I've loved hymns and preferred to keep them as part of worship, mostly because they come with a comforting childhood familiarity. However, as I've worked my way through some of my favorite Christmas hymns, I'm finding another reason to love they hymns. They are theologically dense. I've heard this argument before, but I never bothered to really engage the thought process. But, this December, as I study the lyrics of some of my favorite songs, and the truths they set to melody and bury deep in the recesses of my heart and mine, I am so thankful and in awe of what the writers have penned. For most of these songs, I've tried to pick a specific verse or line to share with you. Today, I can't narrow it down. It's all good.

Come, thou long expected Jesus,
Born to set thy people free;
From our fears and sins release us,
Let us find our rest in Thee.
Israel's strength and consolation,
hope of all the earth thou art;
dear desire of every nation,
joy of every longing heart.
Born thy people to deliver,
born a child and yet a King,
born to reign in us forever,
now thy gracious kingdom bring.
By thine own eternal spirit
rule in all our hearts alone;
By thine all sufficient merit,
Raise us to they glorious throne.

Simeon was there. He took the child in his arms and praised God, saying,“Sovereign Lord, now let your servant die in peace,as you have promised. I have seen your salvation, which you have prepared for all people. He is a light to reveal God to the nations, and he is the glory of your people Israel!” Luke 2:29-32

Another Story I Couldn't Tell ...

2010-12-11T13:56:00.000-06:00

One day while visiting an elderly woman who lived alone in an apartment complex, it got to be lunch time. She was very concerned that I might be hungry. As I worked my way through my questions for her, I assured her I would eat when I left her, but she didn't seem convinced. Finally, she asked if I'd like a can of Sprite. Thinking a canned soda had to be pretty safe, I agreed. She shuffled her way into the kitchen, oxygen tank in tow. When she got there, she decided to pour the Sprite over ice.

At this point, I began to get a little nervous. Old people can't see well and have low energy, so their kitchens are not generally the cleanest. Then, she asked if I'd like a straw. A safe, sanitary method for drinking a soda? Why, sure! I'd love a straw!

As she shuffles back over to me with the glass, I'm going on and on about how much I prefer drinking from a straw. Just about the time she hands me the glass, she says, "Oh, I love straws, too. I save them and wash them and reuse them!" I look down at the glass in my hand and notice a strange discoloration around the rim of the straw sticking up at me. Yikes!

I held the glass politely as we continued to talk. When she mentioned a photograph of her granddaughter that she kept in the next room, I asked to see it. While she shuffled to find it, I quickly fed a thirsty looking plant a very refreshing soda!

The X-Files

2010-12-10T14:14:00.000-06:00

One afternoon, I found myself sitting in the home of a 57 year old woman who was convinced she needed assisted living. As I listened to a list of ailments a mile long, I could see out of the corner of my eye that there was a scanner program running on her computer, but I couldn't see what exactly she was running. When she finally got up to go into the other room, I was able to clearly see that her computer was running, "The At-Home Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence." That woman was looking for E.T. in her living room!

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

2010-12-09T12:02:00.000-06:00

Christ, by highest Heaven adored;
Christ the everlasting Lord;
Late in time, behold Him come,
Offspring of a virgin's womb.

Veiled in flesh the Godhead see;
Hail the incarnate Deity,
Pleased as man with men to dwell,
Jesus, our Emmanuel

This popular hymn celebrates the wonder of the incarnation, God made flesh. The wonder of the Christ story is this ... the most magnificent, majestic Being was pleased to dwell among us.

... He gave up His divine privileges;

He took the humble position of a slave

and was born as a human being.

When he appeared in human form,

He humbled himself in obedience to God

and died a criminal's death on a cross.

Philippians 2:7-8

Ode to My Space Heater

2010-12-08T10:42:00.001-06:00

Dear Little Space Heater,
I love you so much.
You’re here every morning;
You come through in the clutch.

I ignore you so terribly
In the spring and summer,
Even cursing your heat,
That you’re not also a fan is a bummer.

I think I don't need you at all,
But then comes winter with its icy morn.
I shiver and shake, then plug you in,
And suddenly all of my love for you is reborn.

You're Here

2010-12-07T22:23:00.000-06:00

This one is new to me. I heard it on the radio this afternoon and googled it tonight. It's Francesca Battistelli's "You're Here." I think it's kind of Mary, Did You Know? meets Strange Way to Save the World with a little Breath of Heaven thrown in for good measure. In other words, in some ways, it's a little cheesy, but I keep coming back to the line that says, "You could have left us on our own, but you're here." If that doesn't sum up the wonder of Christmas, I'm not sure what does. He didn't have to come. He didn't have to die. He chose to humble Himself in the most unthinkable way all to make a way for us to have relationship with God.

Hold on now, I gotta take a deep breath
I don’t know what to say when I look in your eyes
You made the world before I was born
Here I am holding You in my arms tonight

Noel, Noel
Jesus our Emmanuel

You’re here
I’m holding You so near
I’m staring into the face of my Savior
King and Creator
You could’ve left us on our own
But You’re here

Don’t know how long I’m gonna have You for
But I’ll be watching when You change the world
Look at Your hands, they’re still so small
Someday You’re gonna stretch them out and save us all

Noel, Noel, God with us Emmanuel

You’re here, I’m holding You so near oooh oh
I’m staring into the face of my Savior
King and Creator
You could’ve left us on our own
Bbut you’re here, you’re here

Someday I’m gonna look back on this
The night that God became a baby boy
Someday You’re gonna go home again,
But You leave your spirit and flood the world with joy

You’ll be here, I’m holding You so near
I’m staring into the face of my Savior, King and Creator
You could’ve left me on my own, but you’re here… You’re here
Hallelujah, You’re here
Hallelujah, You’re here

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Philippians 2:5-11

Passion for People

2010-12-07T05:27:00.002-06:00

Last weekend, over Sunday lunch, a conversation started up about passion, specifically thing things one feels strongly enough to argue over or defend. It was noted that I am not one who is quick to fight. There are very few things I feel strongly enough to engage in verbal disagreements about. I don't enjoy arguments for arguments sake, and while I might have opinions, I am not always quick to share them persuasively.

This bothered me. I chewed on it most of the afternoon. I love passionate people. I admire people who feel strongly about things and take a stand for what they think is right. Sometimes that's something really important, but other times, it's just an opinion about music or movies or sports. I didn't like to think that I was not a passionate person because that seemed to say that I don't feel deeply. That is certainly not the case.

Late that afternoon when I'd thought myself in circles, I went to my good, excessively passionate friend Erin and asked her what she thought. She laughed and said she'd been thinking through the same issue regarding me. She came to the conclusion that the only way to really rile me up is to directly attack someone I love. She pointed out that someone could sit there all day and attack my musical, political, sports, or movie preferences, possibly even my theological leanings and I wouldn't take the bait, but were that same person to directly malign the character of or be intentionally hurtful toward one of the others sitting at that same table, I'd have put a stop to it in a heartbeat. And, when she said it, I knew it was true.

My heart, the seat of my emotions, soars and plummets with those I love. I was laughing with my best friend this morning because I caught myself tearing up over something really silly. I quickly realized, though, it wasn't really what she'd said that had my heart in my throat as much as all the really wonderful emotional moments I'd had building up over the course of several days.

From celebrating with CWJC graduates to coffee with long lost Peruvian missionary friends and adventures with a locksmith to impromptu family gatherings around football, a joyful lunch with my treasured church family to dinner with a loving and generous older couple intentionally pouring into my life ... it was one heck of a weekend. My heart and head can barely contain it all still.

So, where was I? Oh, yes, people. I am passionate about people. I am passionate about friends with and for whom I've fought to be close. I'm passionate about friends who are no longer close in proximity but are never far from thought. I'm passionate about women who are making major life changes one small decision at a time. I'm passionate about family and the determination to love in a I Corinthians 13:7 sort of way. So, if I seem a little weepy this week, it's just my heart overflowing via my tear ducts. Don't worry. They're probably happy tears.

I'm passionate about loving others well and making sure they know they are loved. Step on that, and we might go to fighting.

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. I Corinthians 13:7

Generous Obedience

2010-12-06T14:00:00.000-06:00

I was writing Christmas cards to some of my full time volunteers this morning at work. These are people who literally put in as many hours on the job as I do, but don't take home a single penny or any other measurable benefit for their time and effort. They amaze me. As I wrote to one precious couple who have given and given to Cornerstone and its clients this year, I thanked them for their "generous obedience". It was a phrase that just came to me as I was writing, but I haven't been able to get it out of my head since.

That particular couple has basically allowed the Lord to turn their lives inside out and upside down as they've followed Him on a wild roller coaster ride into full time ministry this last year. They have opened their hearts and lives to others in new and profound ways, and they will tell anyone listening that they are not the same people they were just twelve short months ago before either of them ever set foot in my office.

As a director of volunteers, there is no greater story. It is the perfect tale of people impacting and being impacted through volunteerism. But, as a follower of Christ, it's an even more powerful lesson. Because this man and woman were willing to obediently follow God into a great unknown and have continued to walk faithfully through the doors He's opened despite numerous difficulties and hardships, countless lives have been touched. That's the generosity of their obedience. In obeying God, they gave generously to all who were standing near enough to see.

Because they obeyed, I am challenged and encouraged and energized in my own commitment to obedience. Because on multiple occasions throughout the year, they continued to obey when I thought for sure any sane person would have thrown in the towel, I was challenged and encouraged and energized to go harder and farther with Christ. Because they obeyed in the small things then looked for ways to obey in the bigger things, I was challenged and encouraged and energized to match their enthusiasm in my own life. Their obedience became a generous gift to me. And, I know I'm not alone.

This year, I have been made aware in so many special ways of the power of the Body of Christ. I have been reminded over and over again that, as believers in Christ, we never act alone.

Run hard. Run fast. Run long. In one direction.

Brothers and Sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God in Christ Jesus has called me heavenward. Philippians 3:13-14

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day

2010-12-05T10:32:00.000-06:00

I heard the bells on Christmas day,

Their old, familiar carols play,

And wild and sweet the words repeat

Of peace on earth, good will to men.

I thought how, as the day had come

The belfries of all Christendom

Had rolled along the unbroken song

Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair I bowed my head:

There is no peace on earth, I said.

For hate is strong and mocks the song

Of peace on earth, good will to men.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow penned this hymn in 1867. It's another slow, somber one. And, again, I love it. It tells a story of someone contemplating the deep chasm between the hope of Christmas and the despair of life.

Yesterday, I had a conversation with a friend about faith. My conclusion was one that I've shared numerous times, faith is believing that God is good despite all evidence to the contrary. It is knowing the heart and character of God in such a way that you trust Him to be and do good in all things at all times. It's trusting that His definition of good, while often different from mine, is best.

I am thankful that Longfellow did not leave the hymn alone after the third verse, but added a fourth and fifth.

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:

God is not dead; He does not sleep!

The wrong shall fail; the right prevail!

With peace on earth, goodwill to men.

Till, ringing, singing, on its way,

The world revolved from night to day

A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,

Of peace on earth, goodwill to men!

The wonder of Christmas is that there is hope. The despair is real. The harsh realities of life are enough to knock anyone sideways. But despair does not have the final word. Our good and gracious, loving and merciful God made a way.

Because of God's tender mercy, the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness, and in the shadow of death, and to guide us to the path of peace. Luke 1:78-79

O Holy Night

2010-12-04T10:51:00.000-06:00

If "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" is my very most favorite Christmas hymn, "O Holy Night" is a very close second.

O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of our dear Savior's birth.
Long lay the word in sin and error pining,
Till He appeared and the Soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope! The weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born;
O night, O holy night, O night divine!

There are a couple of things I love about this song. First, I love the idea of acknowledging and celebrating a very specific, significant moment in time. My dad is notorious at family gatherings for stopping in the midst of the chaos, looking around at the kids and all who are gathered there and saying, "It will never be this way again." We may all gather again, but we will never be exactly the same as we are on that day. I don't pretend to know when Jesus was really born, but I do know that the night of his birth changed everything. It was truly a night set apart.

Second, I hope I never get over the line, "a weary world rejoices". The fact that it's followed by the celebration of a "new and glorious morn" -- and you all know how I feel about mornings -- just makes it that much better. It's that beautiful contrast that draws me over and over again to the glory of Christmas.

But when the right time came, God sent His Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent Him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that He could adopt us as His very own children. Galatians 4:4-5

Stories I Couldn't Tell

2010-12-02T13:47:00.002-06:00

When I worked as a case manager for Meals on Wheels, I kept a journal on my desk. As funny things would happen, I'd stop and jot them down under the heading, "Stories I Couldn't Tell When I Was a Case Manager." This week, someone at Cornerstone who happens to also be a Meals on Wheels volunteer found that journal on an abandoned shelf in the copy room. She returned it to me ... after she'd read the entries. She was so amused by them, I took some time to go back a read a few of them myself. I know I say there's never a dull moment at Cornerstone, but I'm not sure any job will ever provide the laughs that M.O.W. did ...

During my first week on the job, my supervisor took me out to deliver meals for the first time. We were on a route outside of my territory, but I was still learning about how sites and routes worked. We stopped at a home, and I got out with the meal in hand while my boss turned the car around. A large Marmaduke-sized dog came galloping out to meet me. He literally stood taller than my waist. From somewhere behind the partially cracked front door a male voice yelled, "Get in here!" I hoped he was talking to the dog. The dog ran up a wheelchair ramp, and I followed suit. The voice said, "You can put the meal on the counter," so I made my way through a dark, cluttered living space over to the kitchen and found space for his meal. As I set the meal down, I turned with my brightest grin to wish him a happy day only to find a very hairy old man sitting in a wheelchair ... butt naked!

I made it back to my boss' car and told her about the man. She said, "We really should go back in there and tell him he has to wear clothes." I calmly replied, "This is not my territory. That is not my naked man." A year later, she told our entire staff that was the moment she knew her sheltered little Baptist seminary student was going to make the cut as a case manager.

Here We Come a Caroling

2010-12-01T09:51:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about Christmas music lately. I was going to do a series of my top 25 favorite Christmas songs, but realized, I really don't have 25 songs I like enough to write entire blog posts about, so I'll just do one at a time until I'm bored with it.

And, I'll start with my favorite, so you know from the start it's all downhill from here.

My very most favorite Christmas song, the one I have about 50 jillion different recordings of is ... (drum roll please) ... O Come, O Come Emmanuel

Yes, it's rather sad sounding, I know. And, it's kind of hard to sing, I'm aware. And, I love it.

O come, Thou Dayspring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here;
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,
And death's dark shadows put to flight.

I'm a firm believer that the good news isn't good news until you know just how bad the bad news really is, so the somber, melancholy tones of this song express beautifully the longing for God with us ... the dreariness of a world waiting in desperate need of a Savior. And, the joy of a well-placed hope.

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall Come to Thee, O Israel

And hope does not disappoint us for God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit ... Romans 5:5

Abraham Lincoln's Proclamation Establishing Thanksgiving

2010-11-24T09:25:00.000-06:00

October 3, 1863

The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God. In the midst of a civil war of unequalled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign States to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere except in the theatre of military conflict; while that theatre has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union. Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defence, have not arrested the plough, the shuttle, or the ship; the axe had enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege and the battle-field; and the country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years, with large increase of freedom.

No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy.

It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and voice by the whole American people. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and Union.

In testimony whereof, I have hereunto set my hand, and caused the seal of the United States to be affixed.

Done at the city of Washington, this third day of October, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, and of the independence of the United States the eighty-eighth.

A. Lincoln

Out of Egypt

2010-11-22T16:51:00.000-06:00

I’ve been trying to write this entry for weeks now. But, every time I sit down to put it into comprehensible words, the wonder of it all just takes over in inexpressible, unintelligible joy.

It all started when I was in LA last month. I was praying for God to show off in a big way one morning and was reminded of Psalm 81:10, “I am the Lord, who called you out of Egypt, open wide your mouth and I will fill it.” It was such a beautiful reminder of the extravagance with which God demonstrates His love to us. He holds nothing back.

In the days and weeks that followed that reminder, I kept coming across that phrase, “out of Egypt” and I began to study it a bit. Throughout Scripture, Egypt is equated with a place of bondage, servitude. There was the literal exodus of God’s people, the Israelites, from the rule of the Pharaoh, but there was also an allegorical application for all of us who’ve ever found ourselves enslaved. Over and over again, God identifies Himself as the one who sets His people free. And, He did so with a purpose. I am the Lord, your God, who brought you out of Egypt

… so that I might dwell among them. (Exodus 29:45)

… to be your God. (Leviticus 11:45)

… to give you the land of Caanan (promise) and be your God. (Leviticus 25:38)

… so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians. (Leviticus 26:13)

… to be the people of [His] inheritance as you are now. (Deuteronomy 4:20)

As I began to contemplate this, that’s when the wonder-filled joy began bubbling up inside of me. I have an Egypt, a place of captivity, where I spent far too many years enslaved, yet, all the while the Lord, my God, was calling me out of Egypt. In fact, Hosea 11:4 says it like this, “I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love. To them I was like one who lifts a little child to the cheek, and I bent down to feed them.”

I believe it is significant that God refers to himself repeatedly as the One who brought His people out of Egypt. He reminds us over and over again that His heart for us is to bring us out of captivity into a land of promise, to be our Companion on every step toward freedom.

I am mindful of several things as I contemplate this truth today:

God’s arm is not too short to reach me. He is mighty to save.
Nothing is too difficult for Him. There is no bondage more powerful than His love for me.
It is God’s delight to show off in extravagant displays of love and grace.
I was delivered with a purpose, to an inheritance, for a relationship with Him.

Charles Wesley said it this way,

And can it be that I should gain
An interest in the Savior’s blood?
Died He for me, who caused His pain—
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

2010-11-18T16:38:00.003-06:00

I’m guilty. I definitely hopped into Christmas mode pre-Thanksgiving. That’s not usually my style. I love Thanksgiving. I love the family gathering and the ridiculously good food and the football and the opportunity to focus on gratitude without the pressure of buying gifts. I love Thanksgiving. This year, though, I have just felt this longing for Christmas, for the joy and the hope and the goodwill to all men. I’ve longed for the promise fulfilled and the rejoicing … and, to be perfectly candid, the cold weather.

Christmas is a really big deal, and I’m not sorry for making a big deal of it. But, today is not the week before Christmas; it is the week before Thanksgiving. I’m giving myself this opportunity to backtrack briefly and focus on all that God has done and give thanks “unto Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all that we ask or imagine.” (Ephesians 3:20) I’m never as in awe of the fact that God can do something great as I am the fact that He is willing to do something great. Psalm 126 says it this way (emphasis mine):

¹ When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion,
   we were like those who dreamed.
² Our mouths were filled with laughter,
   our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
   “The LORD has done great things for them.”
³ The LORD has done great things for us,
   and we are filled with joy.

In the past, I’ve given you alphabetical lists of people and places and experiences for which I am grateful. This year, I’m offering you a playlist. There’s nothing new here, but it’s a great combination of expressions of gratefulness. My Thanksgiving Playlist:

1. Blessed – Brett Dennen

2. I Have Been Blessed – Martina McBride

3. Doubly Good – Amy Grant

4. A Grateful People – Watermark

5. Made Me Glad – Hillsong

6. Thank You for Hearing Me – David Crowder Band

7. Psalm 126 (You Have Done Great Things) – Passion Worship Band

It's Good to be Common

2010-11-16T18:28:00.000-06:00

Looking over the blog today, I noticed a glaring omission. I’ve neglected to share with you loyal readers one of the most exciting journeys I’ve been on this last year. It’s called Commons Church.

Last October, an acquaintance and fellow blogger, Steve, announced that he and his family were moving to Fort Worth to plant a church. Being the helpful individual that I am, I jumped right on facebook that afternoon and messaged them both letting them know that I had lived in Fort Worth for a number of years and would be glad to help them in any way I could.

At the time, I thought that might be helping them find housing and maybe jobs and introducing them to others doing similar works and ministries in our fair city. I was firmly planted in my own church home with no intentions to leave. Sure, I’d been struggling to find community within that larger group for over a year and praying for God to place me into a new group, but I genuinely assumed it would be within that body.

In December, Steve called. They were having an informal informational meeting about the church and asking anyone in the area who might be interested to come sit down and hear their vision. I agreed to stop by, intending it as a gesture of support, not interest. I was amazed when I arrived and found that I had at least met all of the people present and actually knew some of them quite well. We sat down to talk and Steve began to share about his and Joy’s journey to become church planters and their vision for reaching the lost of Fort Worth, and my interest was definitely piqued. I, however, had a birthday party to get to, and only halfway listened to his announcement about a church planting training coming up in February.

I knew it there was a cost involved, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to commit, so I ignored the calendar as the date for the training approached. Then, the day before the training, my phone buzzed. It was a text from Steve asking if I was coming. I told him I’d forgotten about it and had some things on my calendar, but I’d see what I could do. I wish I’d saved that exchange because I think he called me a chicken or questioned my ability to manage my schedule. Either way, I felt challenged and decided to clear my way to be at Northwood Church’s Turbo Training for church planters the next day.

There’s no way to succinctly share all that I heard during that training, but when I look back on it, I know that was the day I decided to become a Commoner. Steve and Joy had shared with us back in December how they’d begun telling others, “We’re going to plant a church in Fort Worth unless the Lord stops us.” Without even consciously thinking about it, I told a good friend after Turbo training, “I am going to keep walking forward in this church planting adventure unless the Lord stops me!” As soon as the words came out of my mouth and recognized their correlation to The Bezners own mantra, I was fairly certain there would be no stopping.

In April, right after Easter, Thomas and Kimberly Law opened their home to our core group of 9 for a Wednesday evening home group Bible study. I’ll never forget knocking on that door that first night and being welcomed by both Joy and Kimberly. The community I’d been longing for suddenly had its arms around me in a very literal way. It looked nothing like I expected it to when I’d prayed, but I recognized it nonetheless. We met each Wednesday night and shared meals together, talked about what we wanted church to look like, took spiritual gifts inventories and personality profiles, and prayed for one another.

By June, when we set out on Sunday mornings to visit other local church plants together, I had come to genuinely love and look forward to spending time with this new faith family. I realized one Sunday morning as I got ready to visit yet another unfamiliar congregation with the people who were quickly becoming my church family that I was actually excited to be up and getting ready and worshiping with them. Sadly, it had been a long time since I’d felt that way about going to corporate worship.

In July, we held our first Sunday morning gathering in The Bezners’ living room. There were about 12 people there, and it was new and different and so exciting. Scripture says, “Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” I really began to understand that verse in a whole new light when I began actively giving financially to The Commons. I’d already come to love the church, but somehow, investing my meager resources there, gave me a greater sense of joy and anticipation about what God was going to do in and through us.

It’s mid-November now, and the journey continues. We are consistently running 25-30 adults on Sunday mornings, and we’re actively engaged in conversations about moving to a larger space early next year. We have new visitors almost every week … and lots of them come back! There are two different home groups meeting during the week with talks of a third (and fourth?) starting in January. We’re committed to loving our neighbors and have had some great times volunteering with the local Home Owners Association at dive-in movies at the community pool, neighborhood garage sales, and fall festival. In October, we began having monthly missions lunches to raise funds to allow us to buy Christmas presents for children in need. And, today, a dozen of us met over lunch to discuss a strategy for local and global missions in the coming year.

I am so blessed by the men, women, and children who call themselves Commoners. They are teachers and social workers and business men and builders and doctors and musicians and salesmen and deeply committed to using their gifts to bless others and point them to Jesus. Each and every week I get to see Ephesians 3:10 played out in big and small ways, “God’s purpose in all this was to use the church to display his wisdom in its rich variety to all the unseen rulers and authorities in the heavenly places.”

Hope

2010-11-11T12:03:00.001-06:00

Cornerstone's CEO, Mike Doyle, is the eternal optimist. I've never met a man with more hope in him. I'm honestly not sure if he knows how to give up once he sets his course for a goal. The other day, Mike stuck his head into a meeting just in time to hear me teasing a coworker about their ineptitude at Facebook saying, "There's no hope!" Mike had no idea what we were talking about, but upon hearing those words come from my mouth, you'd have thought I struck him personally. His shoulders sagged, his head dropped until his chin was resting on his chest, and he shook his head from side to side slowly as he repeated the words as though he truly couldn't fathom such a statement, "No hope?!?" It was pitiful! In that moment, I learned more about my CEO than in the total 4 years I've worked for his organization. Hope is what fuels him. And, truthfully, it's what fuels us all.
Earlier this week, I wrote about a truly awful day in my work. And, I realize now, it was hope that the next day would be better and that the story wouldn't end there that helped me get out of bed the next morning. Hope is a truly beautiful word. It empowers us when nothing else can.

So then, brothers and sisters, stand firm and hold fast to the teachings we passed on to you, whether by word of mouth or by letter. May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word. 2 Thessalonians 2:15-17

Come, Lord Jesus

2010-11-09T22:08:00.001-06:00

Some days at my job are really great. Some days, we win. We get to see people making choices that bring them and their families closer to abundant life in Christ, and we rejoice. Other days are more like today.

Today didn't feel victorious at all. Today, the world just felt so broken. Every time I turned around, I kept imagining peoples' lives shattered like glass, shards slicing into anyone who dares to try picking up the pieces.

Last month, I took multiple calls from a man trying to locate the girlfriend he had tormented so badly, she fled to a neighbor's without a stitch of clothing on her body. Last week, I heard the story of a 14 year old girl who has already had multiple sex partners and an abortion and seems to have no idea that life doesn't have to be that way. This morning, I saw the bruises on a woman who was kicked repeatedly by the steel-toed boot of a man who said he loved her. This afternoon, I read the rap sheet of a con-artist who sweet-talked her way into my good graces and nearly got a hiring recommendation from my office.

I sat at my desk at the end of this day, and all I wanted to do was find a way to make people on the outside understand how badly I hurt on the inside. I wanted to throw things. I suddenly understood perfectly how violence begets violence because I felt violent toward those men. I wanted to hold that little girl and cry for all the things she doesn't know she's lost. I wanted to bandage those women, tilt their heads up, look them in the eye and tell them how precious they are. I wanted to shake that very gifted felon and make her understand how badly her poor choices wound everyone around her.

I wanted to call every godly man I know and thank him for not beating the women in his life, thank him for treating women with kindness and respect and helping them develop a sense of value and worth. I wanted to call up every woman I know and remind her how treasured she is in Jesus' name. I wanted so badly to find a way to pick up the pieces and put the world back together.

I longed to cry out for justice, knowing that only mercy would ever truly do. Today, I prayed like never before, "Come, Lord Jesus, come."

from the overflow

2010-11-03T22:23:00.001-05:00

Last week, I was visiting with my pastor and my upcoming trip to Alabama was mentioned. He asked, "Now, tell me again who you're going to see?" I smiled as I thought through the list, then began to explain, but before I got very far, he stopped me. "Never mind, I've know. You're going to see amazing person x with whom you have an amazing relationship, and they do fill in the blank with amazing godly thing." I had to laugh because he was kind of correct.

Last Friday, I got in a car with some of my favorite Fort Worth girls (shout out to Erin, Erika, and Ashleigh!) and drove to Birmingham where we picked Mel up from the airport and rendezvoused with Steph who was driving down from Nashville. From the airport, we drove to meet Joel in the parking lot of the church where he's been serving as youth minister for the last two and a half years. Joel had Josh with him. Josh and Esther (and baby Noah) drove in from Jacksonville, Florida where they minister to youth as well. The surprise attendee to our family family reunion was waiting for us at Joel's parents lake house. Danny, a naval officer stationed in San Diego, found out at the last minute he was going to get to come. Finally, Joel and I made a second trip that evening to the airport for Army officer Jarrod and his wife Dawn, flying in from Virginia. It was just after midnight before the 14 of us were all under one roof for the first time in years. What a delight! We spent the next twenty four hours simply enjoying the pleasure of being close. We sat on the deck or the pier and talked lazily, catching up. We grilled hot dogs, watched football then baseball, played cards, took walks, and had our traditional breakfast for dinner meal. Saturday night, in the girls' room, we lay awake giggling far too long. And, early Sunday morning, we parted ways. We hope to do it again next year, and that hope made the parting a little easier.

From the lake house, I went on to spend a couple of extra days in Hayden, Alabama with a different set of friends. Jeremy and Jodi (and Emma and Abbi) were spectacular hosts. It is difficult for me to describe the depth of my affection for this family. Earlier this week, I summarized my relationship to them by saying that Jeremy was the first person I ever had to seriously talk out of punching someone on my behalf and I'm pretty sure Jodi was right behind him. I seriously didn't want punches thrown, but it felt really incredible to know there were people with that sort of protective loyalty for me. Jeremy has served as friend, mentor, counselor, and tutor. Jodi is the consummate girls' girl. She's wise and kind and hospitable. She's a patient listener and has a gift for getting to the heart of a matter. She's a treasure! And, for two days this week, I soaked up their friendship.

And, while I was away, enjoying these "amazing" people, I realized something else. I have a whole host of amazing people right here in Fort Worth I was really eager to get back to. I love my church family so very much. They are so funny and kind and eager to serve. I feel rich when I'm with them. I love my work family, too. They are quirky and outrageous and generous and gifted in such unique ways. I have so much to learn from them. And, I love my family. The ones related to me by blood. I didn't have much time to talk with them while I was gone, and I loved hearing my dad's voice on the phone today. I'm looking forward to talking with my mom tomorrow. I am eager to catch up with my cousins and see my grandmother, too.

Today, I got home from work, and I was alone in my apartment, and my heart was so full of all these thoughts I thought I might need to go run around the building. I posed the question on facebook, "When your heart is full, what do you do with the overflow?" My answer is, I blog.

#SparkLA2010 Spark Team

2010-10-24T13:26:00.001-05:00

I decided to do a separate post about the team itself. Serving with this team of women was perhaps the most surprising joy of the weekend. We were the epitome of variety. 20 year old college students, 74 year old great-grandmothers, North Dallas socialites, working moms who picked up extra jobs to pay their way, nurses, paralegals, social workers, stay-at-home moms, p.e. coaches, and ex-cons. You name it, we probably had it! But, the one thing you would not find numbered among us was a princess. (Even I left my tiara at home on this trip!) I watched these women serve tirelessly, kindly, generously -- at Hope Gardens, on the bus, in the hotel. They consistently looked for ways to bless whoever was within reach. It struck me the morning we got to the ranch and there were boxes that had to be carried up a long path. They fought for the opportunity to carry a box. Then, that same day, the wind was blowing our screen over, and Linda volunteered to sit behind the screen and hold it steady throughout our session. I smiled because I realized she was grateful for the opportunity to serve and because I knew any one of us would have gladly traded places with her.

At every meal, every bus ride, and on the planes, I had the opportunity to get to know different members of this remarkable team. I met Jolie, a fashion merchandising student from Baylor, on her second Spark Trip. She was traveling with her mom and her sister, and she'd recruited two of her college roommates and their moms, too. I met, Sharon, a p.e. teacher and coach's wife from Abilene, on her second trip as well. She rescued me from having to use the helium tank to blow up balloons, and she let me snuggle up next to her when I couldn't stop shivering around the camp fire. I met, Sherry, the wife of a minister who was very influential in encouraging God's gifting and calling in my life when I was a high school student. I sat next to Carrie, a Premier jeweler from Kansas City who heard about the trip in September and decided to fly out and see for herself what all the fuss was about. She brought her coworker, Janet from San Diego as well. I met Allison, a pastor's wife, and her friends Beverly and Nancy. They were there to check things out so that they could recruit women from their church to anchor the next Spark trip to Orlando this coming February. I met Sue, an incredibly organized and talented cook who worked for hours on her feet preparing incredible meals for all of us. I met Linda, a librarian from Plano, a grandmother with a heart of gold. I met Cindy, an ex-con who wants to go to seminary. I met Jennifer, a paralegal who moonlights as a photographer. I met Stacy, a minister to person's with special needs with a gift for running sound equipment. I met Sandra, a life coach with a single son who lives in Alaska. :-) I met Ms. June, who shared her testimony about how God has become a husband to her since her own husband was tragically shot five years ago. I met Julie, who is allowing God to heal her broken heart after addiction held her captive for years. I met Amanda, who bravely told her story of shame and grace and repentance. I met Kathryn, a brand new believer already learning how to serve. And on and on and on ...

Each and every one of these women with a story and a heart to let the Lord use her however He sees fit. It was the most beautiful picture of the Body of Christ I have yet to experience.

#SparkLA2010 Day Four

2010-10-23T13:16:00.002-05:00

Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!

How do I even begin to describe Sunday?

The food team went ahead of us, preparing a beautiful brunch for all of us. The decorations team transformed our meeting room into a lovely banqueting place. The women arrived, joyful, open, ready to receive whatever we had for them, faces glowing. It was a complete transformation from the women we'd met first on Thursday.

As I looked at the extravagance around me, I began to pray earnestly that each of them would understand what it was all about. It wasn't about our love for them, we hardly knew them. I was desperate for them to understand that all of this, all we'd done for them all weekend long was but a picture of the extravagant love God has for them, the grace He lavishes upon them.

Our musical worship that morning was powerful. The message of the Lord's Prayer woven with songs and testimony was undeniably annointed. And, then we moved into our final small group time. I asked them one question, "Tell me what you will remember about this weekend, a year from now when you've forgotten our names, what will you remember about this time we've had together?" I was terrified that they'd say something about the gifts or the decorations or the silly games.

Juana went first. "I will remember that yesterday, I gave my heart to Jesus." And I cried because I realized at least one of them had gotten it. Maria was next. "I know that God wants to have a relationship with me, and it is time for me to draw near to Him." Yesss! I cried some more. Edith told us, "I am beginning to believe that it's possible for someone to love me without wanting something from me, that there is a genuine Love out there." More tears. Amanda, one of our senior adults, shared that she would remember the hugs, that she really appreciated the physical touch of love we'd brought with us, and she considered that to be God's gift to her throughout the weekend. My heart cracked. At this point, there were two others still sharing, but Vanessa, who'd told me she didn't really do this church stuff, reached over and linked her arm through mine and lay her head on my shoulder. When it was finally her turn she simply said, "I guess I've learned that maybe this God stuff is worth a try. Maybe He is real." I'll take it!

Our final act of service for the women was to put all of them in a circle and wrap a fleece blanket around their shoulders and pray over them. It was joyful and tearful and simply beautiful. I could think of no better way to release them.

#SparkLA2010 Day Three

2010-10-22T13:03:00.002-05:00

Saturday morning, I sat up in bed and swung my legs over the side and stood up quickly, and suddenly realized I was virtually pain free. There was still a twinge of pain here and there, but the constant throbbing spasm was gone, and I rejoiced!

On our way up into the mountains, I prayed that our ladies would meet the Mountain Mover. Saturday was a great opportunity for us to get them away from their familiar environment, to leave their children with caregivers, and to really just pour into them without distraction. We did crafts, then began a silly series of relay games, as a seasonally uncharacteristic rain began to fall. It was the strangest thing. There was blue sky all around us, but right over us, a large gray cloud camped, unmoving. So, we gathered under some trees and began to just sing and laugh and wait. We took down and set up sound equipment and towel dried chairs three times before the rain finally cleared and we were able to carry on with our plans.

The first thing we did was set the chairs up in a circle, with a second inner circle of chairs turned to face the outer circle. Hope Gardens ladies sat on the outside with Spark ladies facing them. We took out hand lotion and began to massage their hands as an act of service and an opportunity to visit with and pray for them individually. Their surprise and delight was so much fun to see as they realized what we were doing. A few ladies had their nails painted, and others received back/neck massages, too. It was a great time. Session 2 followed with singing and teaching from Psalm 139 and a testimony from one of our team members, a formerly incarcerated felon who is now living for and serving Jesus in Reno, NV. Cindy's testimony was like a glue that pulled everything we'd been doing all weekend together. Suddenly, we weren't just a bunch of crazy rich ladies in pink, we were women with stories of how God had delivered us through circumstances every bit as dark or difficult as theirs.

Our small group discussion that afternoon centered on God's grace and the importance of our obedience to His commandments, not because it earned us salvation but because it was our response to His great love for us. The women shared from their various experiences, some having walked far with the Lord and others having walked far from Him. One young girl told us, "I just don't really do this church thing." And another gave her heart to the Lord that same day. Mountains were definitely beginning to shift.

We closed out that great day with s'mores over a campfire and began to turn our hearts and thoughts toward our final times together on Sunday.

#SparkLA2010 Day Two

2010-10-21T16:44:00.001-05:00

I woke up Friday morning still in a great deal of pain. I moved slowly and carefully as I dressed and went downstairs to breakfast. I repeated my request for prayers to friends back home. Through prayer and through friends, the Lord repeatedly reminded me that He could change my circumstances or He could change me with the grace to endure them. I was completely confident He would relieve me of that pain when He saw fit, and until such a time, I was determined to enjoy my day with the ladies of Hope Gardens.

My prayer for the ladies that day was that God would "show off." I wanted Him to make His presence known to them and to us in grand and precious ways. We lost cell service once we arrived at Hope Gardens each day, but the last "tweet" I saw before getting off the bus was a verse from Psalm 81 that says, "I am the Lord your God who brought you out of Egypt, open wide your mouth and I will fill it." I had to smile as I remembered all the times the Lord has been faithful to "show off" with His extravagant love and grace.

As we pulled up to Hope Gardens, we had to laugh. Right in front of the admin building sat several residents in pink Spark t-shirts smoking cigarettes and waiting for us to arrive. It was a beautiful (and comical) sight! That morning, we gave the ladies their folders for the weekend and divided them into teams, carefully fixing things so that our previously identified Spanish speakers all ended up in group "S". We were given supplies to decorate a team flag and about 20 minutes to come up with a team name and cheer. It was quickly decided that we would be the "Super Sonadoras" (Super Dreamers) and our cheer was something hoping in Christ and jumping with Jesus. Our cheer was a disaster, but we had so much fun making it up and performing it, nobody seemed to care. Our ladies bonded quickly over their shared language barrier and seemed thrilled that Spark had brought 4 teammates who could communicate with them.

After lunch, we had our first worship time. The spiritual battle in that room was almost unreal. Women were coming and going throughout the music time, staff walkie-talkies sounding off, babies crying, and then Patti got up to teach and basically went temporarily blind, having to stop mid-thought, ask for more lighting, and take time out to pray again and settle into the lesson. It was bizarre. She presented a beautiful lesson to our ladies about the love of God and his care for them based out of Psalm 91. And, then we had our first serious small group time. Only four of our ladies stayed for the small group discussion, but their sharing was full of transparency, and I began to really long for each of them to encounter Jesus in a fresh way through our time together. As we talked about the love of God and His unchanging nature despite all our shortcomings, I heard myself saying to the ladies, "You know, God has the power to change our circumstances, and sometimes, that's His way, but more often, it's His desire to change us through our circumstances." I had to smile as I thought about the pain in my back and the grace (and Motrin!) He'd provided me throughout the day.

At dinner that night, I sat alone with a woman named Maria. She shared with me about her two young children, and the poor relationship decisions she'd made that brought her to Hope Gardens, not just once but twice. And, she mentioned at least two other shelters she'd been in previously. Then, she dropped the real bomb on me. She was 32 years old -- the age I'd just turned the day before. The reality of her life nearly broke my heart. I listened and affirmed the good choices she's made recently, but I went away with a heavy heart.

Friday night was reserved for "Sparky's Rootin' Tootin' Stampede", a variety show made up of skits put on by various Spark team members as well as some Hope Gardens residents. Our first hurdle, though, was attempting to translate "Rootin' Tootin'"! We had a big laugh over that one!

By the time we got on the bus that night, I was beginning to experience some relief from the pain in my back, and I slept really well that night. This was a very good thing, since we were scheduled to spend nearly 2 hours on the bus Saturday morning heading to the Wrightwood Guest Ranch in the nearby mountains.

#SparkLA2010 Day One

2010-10-20T22:06:00.001-05:00

I didn't plan to go on this Spark trip. Even though I had an amazing time in Longview on last year's trip, October is a really bad time for me to be out of town, and I determinedly ignored the repeated email invitations I received to join this year's trip to Hope Gardens Family Center in Los Angeles. Then, one morning in mid-September, I received a voicemail from Spark's founder, Molly Breitenfeld, telling me she'd been thinking of and praying for me and asking if I'd consider going to L.A. to lead a bilingual small group during the retreat weekend. This piqued my interest. A month later, I found myself boarding a plane with nearly 50 other women (there would be 53 total on our team) bound for Los Angeles.

We arrived mid-morning, ate a quick lunch at the hotel, dropped our stuff, and headed to Hope Gardens for "Sparky's Rockin' Rodeo" -- a night of outrageous fun designed for the mom's and their children. Spark Ministry functions in teams. We have prayer team, kitchen team, decorations team, gifts team, etc. The Rodeo Team outdid themselves -- clowns, balloon animals, bounce houses, cotton candy (which I had up to my sleeves before I learned how to use the machine like a pro!), popcorn, snowcones, hot dogs, photo booths, stick ponies, line dancing, etc. One of the case managers from Hope Gardens referred to us throughout the weekend as "Fun in a Box" and it was never more true than that first night. We ended the evening with an important Spark tradition, "Spark in the Dark" where we turn out all the lights in a large room, pass out all kinds of glow in the dark toys, and turn up the dance music. So. Much. Fun.

As we were putting stuff away that night and preparing for the next day, I hopped on the back of a golf cart and rode to the top of a bumpy hill. I was fine when I got on the cart, but couldn't even stand up straight when I got off of it due to intense pain in my lower back. It was frightening. On the bus, my roommate for the weekend, who also happens to be a nurse, handed me some ibuprofen with water, and told me to sit still. She carried my bag inside for me, and began the process of getting us checked into the hotel.

We had been assigned to a room with two other women, four of us total, sharing two double beds. I was so tired and in so much pain and all I could think was, "we'll never get any sleep that way." When we went back up to the front desk to inquire about the possibility of getting a room to ourselves, the lady initially told us the rate would be significantly higher since we would be out from under the Spark group rate, but she would check anyway. When I gave her my name, she said, "Well, we already have a room reserved for you that nobody has checked into yet." She rattled off a list of names that were supposed to be our roommates, and we said, "No, that's our small group." She looked back and said, "Miss Horton, this room is here, under your name, with your group rate, and nobody else is claiming it." I didn't argue any longer. We took the keys and headed up the stairs - grateful beyond belief. My sweet roommate spent some time massaging my aching back with muscle rub before we went to sleep, and I prayed fervently that I'd feel better in the morning ...

Jesus Saves

2010-10-13T22:28:00.001-05:00

While God is infinitely creative expressions of grace, Satan is pitifully unimaginative in his ongoing attempts to mitigate the power of the Gospel in my life. It struck me as sadly comical tonight as I was preparing for my latest adventure with Spark Ministry. As I folded clothes and gathered toiletries and laid out travel documents, my thoughts were full of the same old doubts and inadequacies and self- ... well, just self. Bluch! It's such a frequent thought loop, you'd think I'd be onto his game by now, but unfortunately, I am a slow learner at times.

About the time I was ready to despair, a familiar song came to mind. The words and melody swirling their way over all my foolish thinking. Shane & Shane's "Embracing Accusation" ... Could the father of lies be telling the truth to me tonight? ... Oh, the Devil's singing over me an age old song, That I am cursed and gone astray ... Singing the first verse so conveniently over me ... He's forgotten the refrain ... JESUS SAVES!

It's so true. Those negative thoughts in my head are powerful because on some level they are all true. I'm a mess. I'm totally inadequate and ill-prepared and likely to fail epically on my own. The problem is, those are only half-truths. The bigger Truth is what really matters. I am not on my own. He who called me is faithful. It is God who works in me both to will and to act according to His good pleasure. He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. Jesus saves! That's the power of the Gospel.

May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Hebrews 13:20-21

Temper Tantrums

2010-09-24T16:34:00.001-05:00

Have you ever seen a two year old get startled in the middle of a full on belligerent temper tantrum? Picture her: face down, kicking and screaming at the feet of a loving and patient parent determined to wait her out when suddenly something frightens her. Perhaps it's a big dog or a scary clown or a loud noise. Whatever it is, she goes from all out fit of defiance to whimpering in that parent's arms in 2 seconds flat.

I sat through a four-hour long meeting today with 8 of my favorite CWJC/CMJC colleagues. We laughed and teased and worked and hashed out details for upcoming events and made decisions about endowment scholarships. And, then, as we prepared to close our time together in prayer, one of our colleagues choked out the news that the phone call she'd taken just before our lunch break was her doctor and the word was "malignant." Suddenly, nothing we had done together all day long seemed to mean anything as we absorbed the impact of our friend's news.

As we encircled her, laying hands on her, crying with her, and praying with all our might for God to comfort, sustain, and HEAL, the lump in my own throat was huge. I was hurting for my friend. I was imagining what her 18 year old only child was feeling.

This afternoon, I'm thinking about perspective. I'm thinking about how many things suddenly meant absolutely nothing in light of the battle my dear friend faces. I'm thinking how quickly life changes.

I'm also thinking about how foolishly I've been living lately, trudging through my days in prayerlessness, doing my best to teach God a lesson in my silence, my spiritual temper tantrum. It's so stupid that I can hardly find words to tell you about it. But, what's ironic to me is that today, when the news was serious and it was bad and it was not what I wanted to hear and definitely not what I would choose, I didn't hesitate to jump into His arms and hold on for dear life.

I'm reminded of John 6, when following Jesus started to get a little tougher for the masses, and many of His disciples began to desert Him, Jesus looked at the 12 and said, "Do you want to leave me, too?" but Peter answers, "Where else would we go? You have the words of eternal life."

As I absorbed news of my friend's cancer today, my instinct was not to run further from the Lord or to fight harder against Him or look for a new Source, but to run full force into the strong tower of His sovereign goodness. Today, I don't care about the things I don't understand as much as I long to rest in the one sure thing I know.

At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.

Titus 3:3-7

The Wisdom of Seasons

2010-09-09T13:48:00.000-05:00

My Aunt Debbie shared this verse with our family today, and I thought it was a sweet reminder from the Lord.
Psalm 18:28 says, "You, Oh Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light."
I was thinking on this very gray morning as I drove to work about how much I loved the rain when it first began to fall, but now, after several days of rain and thunderstorms (and flat hair and bad traffic), I'm so very ready for some sunshine. I had to laugh at myself. I can be so fickle. Seasons are just another display of God's infinite wisdom, are they not? Sunshine is so much sweeter when it follows rain.

Where to Find Me - Watermark

2010-09-08T22:15:00.000-05:00

Sometimes a song says it best ...

When the lie is deeper than I know
You capture me and You carry me home
You see these wounds and rescue me
You always heal things beautifully

And I close my eyes
And You can still my heart
And I call out Your name...
'Cause You always know
You always know where to find me...
You always know
You always know where to find me...

And where could I wander that You wouldn't be?
Whom have I but You who really knows me?
Proven to be the God that sees
From strength to strength You've lifted me...

And I could cry from the depths of the earth
I could stand on a mountaintop
And I can speak Your name out to the wind
And You go before me...
And You fall around me...

'Cause You always know
You always know where to find me...
You always know You always know where to find me...

Amen or Oh Me?

2010-09-08T12:48:00.000-05:00

¹ An oracle is within my heart
       concerning the sinfulness of the wicked:
       There is no fear of God
       before his eyes.

² For in his own eyes he flatters himself
too much to detect or hate his sin.

³ The words of his mouth are wicked and deceitful;
he has ceased to be wise and to do good.

⁴ Even on his bed he plots evil;
he commits himself to a sinful course
and does not reject what is wrong.

Psalm 36 pierced me this morning. Just like I am prone to take passages intended for the church and internalize them for me individually, I’m also guilty of taking passages that highlight the sin in my life and ignore them because they’re addressed to the “wicked” and I prefer to be called “righteous.” However, this morning, I could not ignore the way this passage highlighted some attitudes in my own dark heart.

I’ve often prayed to know the fear of the Lord and have stated on this blog before that I believe that fearing the Lord means have such a profound desire and commitment to please God that all other fears take second place. I might fear rejection or ridicule or failure, but never more than I fear failing my Lord. This passage says that for the wicked, “there is no fear of God before his eyes,” that other fears run their lives and win their affections. This is true about me every time I choose sin over obedience.

“In his own eyes he flatters himself too much to detect or hate his sin.” Ouch. This passage cuts like a knife to the core of every sin issue I’ve ever struggled with. I tolerate sin because I have not learned to hate it. I tolerate it because I downplay it. I tolerate it saying it can’t be that bad. I flatter myself into thinking there couldn’t be a real sin problem.

“The words of his mouth are wicked and deceitful; he has ceased to be wise and to do good.” This is the thing I dread most when I find myself living more out of the flesh than the Spirit. Everything I say and do feels tainted by sin, and I never feel right about speaking into another person’s life because I fear I’ll be speaking in my own foolishness rather than the wisdom God promises to give abundantly to all who ask.

“He commits himself to a sinful course and does not reject what is wrong.” Can I just say UGH! I wish I could say that most of the sin in my life is not premeditated. I wish I could say it’s inadvertent. But, far too often, I’m well aware of my actions and just not concerned enough about it to reject wrong. I’m too quick to justify evil and super slow to make war against it.

And just about the time I’m ready to tear my garments in utter defeat, as I begin to recognize how awful the bad news really is, how hopeless I am apart from Christ, the psalmist continues …

Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.

⁶ Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
O LORD, you preserve both man and beast.

⁷ How priceless is your unfailing love!
Both high and low among men
find refuge in the shadow of your wings.

⁸ They feast on the abundance of your house;
you give them drink from your river of delights.

⁹ For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light.

The Manifold Wisdom of God

2010-09-07T17:23:00.001-05:00

Last week, when I arrived at community group, Steve had left instructions for us to discuss the importance of unity in the church according to Ephesians 3.

In Ephesians 3, Paul describes his calling to make known the mystery of God. This mystery that has been hidden for ages is that the Gentiles (non-Jews) are fellow heirs with the Jews, God’s chosen people, of the promises and grace of God. And, the plan for revealing this mystery to the world? The church. Ephesians 3:10 says, “…through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known.”

In our differences. In our variety. In our willingness to worship together, unified as joint-heirs of God’s grace, we, the church, demonstrate the manifold wisdom of God.
Paul goes on to say that it is “for this reason …” he bows and prays that they would be strengthened with power, that Christ would dwell richly in their hearts, and that they’d have the ability to grasp the heights and depths of God’s love, filled with the fullness of God.

I’ve ALWAYS loved that part of the chapter, often prayed that for others. But, only recently did I begin to understand Paul’s heart in that prayer. His heart is to pray all of those wonderful things for them (for us!) so that they’ll be able to rightly display the manifold wisdom of God. When we grasp the fullness of Christ at work in us, his willingness and ability to unite us, we more gloriously display Him to the world!

And, the chapter closes with my absolute favorite doxology, “Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”

I’ve come to realize lately how often I read and internalize passages for myself personally that were never meant for me as an individual. They were written for the church, for me as a part of the church. They are best seen and understood through the church. The beautiful, glorious Bride of Christ.

Are you waiting?

2010-08-16T09:56:00.000-05:00

It requires much more courage to stand and wait and still not lose heart or lose hope, to submit to the will of God, to give up opportunities for work and leave honors to others, and to be quiet, confident, and rejoicing while the busy multitude goes happily along their way. - L.B. Cowman

No Shifting Shadows

2010-08-13T16:00:00.003-05:00

I was joking with a friend a few weeks ago that I think I have a crush on my neighborhood Walgreens. It’s just so good to me, makes my life so much easier, and always has a surprise for me when we meet. This week, however, I think I may have found a serious contender for my affections in Half-Price Books. I get giddy just approaching the door! I could spend hours exploring all manner of subjects and never run out of things to discuss. And, talk about surprises! I never ever leave there disappointed. This week, Half-Price was especially good to me. There was a wonderful new journal covered in brightly colored butterflies (mariposas) that might as well have had my name on it, like it knew the time had come for me to start a fresh book of blank pages. Next, I went right to the novel I was hoping to find, and as a bonus, found the sequel tucked away on the clearance shelf for just a dollar! And, for those nights when I just don’t feel like writing or reading, there was Season 1 of ER just waiting to entertain me. It doesn’t hurt Half-Price’s chances in the competition for my affections that Bueno is close by, either.

Of course it’s silly to have a crush on or feel romanced by a pharmacy or a bookstore. I know this. But, it is great fun to find such delight in such simple pleasures. And, ultimately, I am reminded that “every good and perfect gift comes down from above, from the Father of lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” (James 1:17)

This week, I’ve had a lot of conversations with God that have started out with, “But what about …?” Questions I just don’t have answers to right now. Tonight, as I came home with all my simple pleasures and drew a bubble bath, I was reminded of this post from earlier this year. And, it was as if the Lord said to me, “Kristen, it’s still Me, the One who took great joy in delighting you on that day, in working all the little things together for your good. I am He. I am the One providing for this day, too. I have not changed. I am every bit as committed to your good.” I’m pretty sure a deep sigh escaped me as I let that truth roll over my mind and quiet all my questions.

The Endless Supply

2010-08-13T09:47:00.003-05:00

This morning, like most days, I have song lyrics stuck in my head. What gets stuck in my thought loop varies widely from day to day, but some times, it does me well to pay attention to what's there. This morning, I find myself humming "I am weary, but I know Your touch restores my life" from the song Hungry. -- Well, actually, prior to googling the correct lyrics, what I was singing was, "I am weary, but I know Your love does not run dry." I'm cool and mix verses like that sometimes. -- I have a point, and I'm getting to it, promise.

Just before I got out of my car this morning, I heard Chris Tomlin's Everlasting God on the radio and couldn't help but focus again on the line that says "You won't grow weary." And, for a month now at least, I've been listening to Matt Redman's You Alone Can Rescue which has two different lines I really love. The first says, "Our shame was deeper than the sea, Your grace is deeper still," and the second says, " When our hearts were far away, your love goes further still."

So, putting all of these ideas together, here's my point. God's got an endless supply of all that we need. When I'm weary, His is the touch that empowers me to keep going, gives me life. When I'm empty, His is a love source that does not run dry. When I'm at the end of me, He does not get weary. (That one still baffles me!) His grace far exceeds my shame. His love will always outrun my rebellious heart.

Psalm 139:5, "You hem me in before and behind - You have laid your hand upon me."

Lessons from the Altar

2010-08-12T16:37:00.001-05:00

^{Genesis 22:9} When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. ¹⁰ Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. ¹¹ But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!" "Here I am," he replied. ¹² "Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."

Hebrews 11: ¹⁷By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, ¹⁸even though God had said to him, "It is through Isaac that your offspringwill be reckoned."¹⁹Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death.

It is not often that I get to experience the agony of laying something I prize on a sacrificial altar. I’ve come to realize there simply are not that many things in my life I cling to with such a fervor that releasing them would equal sacrifice. Recently, however, I’ve had that opportunity. After wrestling for far too long with something very valuable to me, I laid it down. And, I’ve learned just a few things already in the process of surrender.

First, while I could have told you all day long that Jesus is enough, it’s entirely different to make that claim when your hands are still full. There’s nothing like the moment you let go of all your other prizes and realize He is still enough. Jonah 2:8 says it like this, "Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs."

Second, there is great comfort in the character of God. Sacrifice hurts. But, there is great comfort in knowing that He is good. And, He is trustworthy. He does not call me to painful choices without grand purposes. I am resting in His good character. As David Platt says, “God’s sovereignty is our safety.”

Finally, the fear of the Lord means that all other fears must bow to my desire to please Him. All the wrestling with and clinging to the things I must ultimately lay down comes from a fear of things other than the Lord. Scripture is replete with promises for those who fear the Lord, and I want to be someone who can claim those promises. When Abraham laid Isaac on that altar, God said, “Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from Me your son, your only son.”

I hope I will not sound heretical if I hypothesize for a moment. Based solely on my own experience, I do wonder if Abraham’s experience at the altar was not so that God would know for sure where Abraham’s allegiance lay, as much as it was for Abraham to know. I suspect the Omniscient knew Abraham’s heart, just as I am confident He knows mine. It is unlikely to me that God learned anything new at that altar. But, Abraham? Abraham was probably still unpacking the lessons from that altar on his dying day.

Romans 4: ²⁰Yet [Abraham] did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, ²¹being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. ²²This is why "it was credited to him as righteousness." ²³The words "it was credited to him" were written not for him alone,²⁴but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead.

How Are You Living?

2010-08-11T12:38:00.002-05:00

We’re living like [God]’s sovereign over all things and loves us deeply as His children. - Matt Chandler

I heard this today, and I was immediately fascinated by the thought, “What does it look like to live like that?” Am I living like God is sovereign over all things and He loves me deeply as His daughter?

The combination of realities is so poignant. God’s sovereignty all by itself can be terrifying, often leaving me feeling helpless and confused. But God’s sovereignty combined with his prodigious love toward me? That takes my breath away. That soothes every ache and calms every fear. That is the very best kind of news. It changes everything.

Leadership Summit 2010: TD Jakes

2010-08-10T13:30:00.000-05:00

How do we get that passion that exists in us to infiltrate those we lead?

Church leadership is unique. People don’t come to follow you. They come to follow Jesus. They came to follow Him, but they get stuck with you.

#1 You have to make sure your leadership comes from a divine place.

We cannot be clones when it comes to passion. It’s not about mimicking other people. People will get tired of following a cheap copy of a great original.

Success is not maintaining. People follow people who move, people who take action, people who take risks. I need a sense that I’m on a mission that’s bigger than me. Make sure the passion doesn’t get diluted or polluted as it flows down.

When God gives you people to work with you, they are assets right out of His treasure chest. When God gives you people, He’s given you something He really cares about.

#2 Make sure that the team around you delivers on the promise that you projected.

Passion is not emotionalism. Passion is the fuel that makes the engine go. Passion is the force behind it, the intensity. I’m not asking you to be emotional. There’s nothing wrong with being emotional. There’s something wrong with being led by your emotions, but there’s nothing wrong with being emotional. Passion is what makes people leap out of bed in the morning.

If you only surround yourself with people who do what you do, they compete with you, but they don’t complete you.

Teammates are not confidantes.

Confidantes are people that are for you. When you’re up. When you’re down. When you’re popular. When you’re not popular. If you have two or three in a lifetime you are a blessed person.

Constituents. Constituents are not for you, they are for what you are for. They work with you and serve and volunteer because they believe in the mission. Don’t try to hold people too tightly who are meant to come and go.

Comrades. Comrades are against what you’re against. They’re an asset if you know how to use them. If you don’t know how to use them, they’ll end up fighting you. You don’t want to kill the fight, you want to direct them to the target.

Test: If someone can read a look from across the room, they share your spirit. You work best with people you read well. You cannot be lead by people you cannot read because then the job becomes trying to read.

If you’re going to lead like Jesus, you have to be willing to show them your wounds and let them see who you are. Jesus showed up after the resurrection and did not go to the crowds, he went to the disciples and showed them His wounds.

The Leadership Summit: Daniel Pink

2010-08-10T12:25:00.000-05:00

Daniel Pink – “Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us”

Hypothesis: We all have three drives.

Biological Drive

Reward/Punishment Drive (If…then rewards)

3^rd Drive: to connect, to be part of something larger than yourself, etc.

If you begin with the wrong assumptions, no matter how hard you work, the endeavor won’t go well.

False assumption #1: Human beings are machines. If you press the right levers in the right way, people will pretty much do what you want them to do.

False assumption #2: Human beings are blobs – passive and inert. Truth: We are engaged and active.

Three key elements of motivation:

Autonomy

Management

Management is a technology designed to get compliance.
Management fundamentally does not lead to engagement.

Autonomy produces engagement:

Time - when?
Team – with whom?
Task - what?
Technique – how?

Mastery
Purpose

Performance reviews are not authentic conversations. They are more like North American kabuki theater. :-)

What pronouns are you using? Are you a “we” organization or a “they” organization?

Anything good in life begins with a conversation: great romance, great business ventures, great revolutions …

Leadership Summit 2010: Jeff Manion

2010-08-10T11:26:00.001-05:00

Okay, so if you've been skipping or skimming my Summit summaries, you should read this one. I'm just saying ...

Jeff Manion's talk entitled "The Land Between" was quite possibly one of the most moving Summit speeches I've heard to date, and after 3 years of incredible presentations, that's saying something!

The land between, is the part of the journey between here (Egypt) and there (Canaan). It's the place where our language is liberally sprinkled with "for now."

The land between is fertile soil for complaint. (Numbers 11:1-6)
The problem with the Israelites complaints is that they weren't complaining against circumstances, they were complaining against God. Their ultimate complaint was that He was not enough.

The land between is also fertile soil for a leadership meltdown. (Numbers 11:11-14)
Throw yourself into spiritual leadership, and you will have moments when you come to the end of yourself. Often times, we are prepared for disappointment, but we're not always prepared for YEARS of disappointment.

The land between is fertile soil for God's provision. (Numbers 11:16-17)
God's provision for Moses, a broken leader, "Bring me 70 elders ... they will help you ... you will not have to carry the burden alone." What if God is good? What if He is gracious? What if He says, "As you open your hands to release the burden, leave them open to receive the blessing."?
Numbers 11:23, "Is the Lord's arm too short?" Are you questioning God's character or His competence?

The land between is fertile soil for God's discipline. (Numbers 11:18-20, 31-34)
Loving parents bring effective and timely discipline on beloved children. Discipline is inflicting pain for redemptive purposes. We are naive to think that we are immune from God's corrective hand. Discipline is pain for the purpose of rescue.

The land between is fertile soil for transformational growth. (Numbers 11:24-25)
The land between is where God whispers, "I need you to trust Me." When you travel through the land between, your heart is in danger. There are choices to be made that will determine who you are in the future. Moses poured out his heart before God in the land between while the Israelites complained about God there. The place that you hate is the soil where God can do some of His richest and deepest work. The space in your life that you most resent is the very soil where God wants to produce the crop we so desperately desire. Trust evicts complaint. They are incompatible roommates.

I Know the Peace Maker

2010-08-09T16:19:00.004-05:00

³⁵That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." ³⁶Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. ³⁷A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. ³⁸Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?" ³⁹He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. ⁴⁰He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" ⁴¹They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"

Last week, during our community group discussion at Commons Church, we talked about the fact that authority is the key to peace. Then I heard a speaker at the Willow Creek Leadership Summit (Have I mentioned I was there last week?) say that “Trust evicts complaint. They are incompatible roommates.” So, my conclusion is this: When I trust whoever has the authority in a situation, I will know peace without complaint.

Authority [uh-thor-i-tee] (n.) – the power to determine, adjudicate, or otherwise settle issues or disputes; jurisdiction; the right to control, command, or determine

This morning, I read the passage quoted above from Mark 4, and I was blessed to the core with the reminder that I know the Peace Maker. Jesus is the Authority. He can be trusted. At a time in my life when I often feel like I’ve got more questions than answers, I am thankful for this reminder.

Speak to storm inside of me and Your voice will calm the sea.
All of my fears completely cease as the storm gives way to peace.
- Lyrics to Speak to the Storm by Gina Greek Funderburg

Leadership Summit 2010: Andy Stanley

2010-08-09T11:12:00.000-05:00

I. All organizations have tensions that are never resolved and problems that are never solved. Great leaders leverage those issues in a way that creates progress for the organization.

Examples: Home/Work, Management/Leadership, Marketing/Sales, Systems/Flexibility, Leading/Shepherding
If you resolve these tensions, you only create new ones.
Resolving these tensions creates barriers to progress
Progress depends on the successful management of these tensions

II. How to distinguish between problems to solve and tensions to manage:

Does this problem or tension keep resurfacing?
Are there mature advocates for both sides?
Are the two sides really interdependent?

III. The role of leadership is to leverage the tension to the benefit of the organization:

Identify the tensions to be managed (not resolved)
Inform your core about what those tensions are
Continually give value to both sides
Don't weigh in too heavily based on your personal biases

Understand the upside of the opposite side
Understand the downside of your side

Don't allow strong personalities to always win the day. We need people who will passionately champion a side, and mature people who will understand a tension that's never going to be resolved.
Don't think in terms of balance, think in terms of rhythm. There is a time to lean in heavily and a time to lean away.

Leadership Summit 2010: Adam Hamilton

2010-08-08T15:00:00.001-05:00

Adam Hamilton's talk was titled "When Leaders Fall." It was definitely not the feel good session of the conference, but it was well delivered and certainly valuable information for any organization.

Hamilton opened with a sad statistic. I almost wrote "startling" statistic, but I'm afraid I wasn't all that surprised. In 2006, 30% of 1,050 pastoral leaders surveyed admitted to sexual impropriety.

Hamilton says the church has four options when it comes to addressing fallen leaders:

Say Nothing -- let the rumor mill run its course
Be Evasive -- let the rumor mill run its course
Denounce sin and Distance Yourself -- the "scarlet letter" approach
Transparency, Honesty, Compassion, and Grace

He went on to share five strategies for resisting temptation.

Remember who you are.
Recognize the consequences of your actions: Will I feel better or worse? Will I want others to know? Who will this hurt?
Rededicate your life to God. When you recognize temptation, Stop. Drop. Pray.
Reveal your struggle to a trusted friend. The power of temptation is in secrecy.
Remove yourself from the situation. Sometimes avoiding sin requires radical action.

The best line of Hamilton's talk came toward the end as he discussed the church's responsibilty to respond to a broken or hurting or fallen family member. The final word of the church must always be grace.

Leadership Summit 2010: Tony Dungy

2010-08-08T14:40:00.000-05:00

I really like and respect Tony Dungy. I thoroughly enjoyed reading his first book, and I suspect his second and third are equally worthwhile. However, I did not take many notes during his session as Craig Groeschel interviewed him, so this post will be brief. Four key quotes/ideas. Ready. Go!

Stubbornness is a virtue ... if you're right.
The Lord sometimes has to short circuit even our best plans for our own benefit.
Do not mistake hours for productivity.
Why would you let anyone stop you from doing what you love?

Leadership Summit 2010: Christine Caine

2010-08-08T13:56:00.001-05:00

Session 2, Part 2: Christine Caine

Maybe it's because she's a woman. Maybe it's because she's got a cool accent. Maybe it's because she quotes scripture as easily as she breathes. Maybe it's because she's passionate about an issue and doing something to change it. I can't say why for sure, but Christine Caine's is the talk that continues to echo in my mind two days later.

Christine Caine is the founder of A21, an effort to abolish human trafficking in the 21st century. Christine boldy asks the question, "How is it possible in the 21st century, on our watch as the church of Jesus Christ, that human beings are being packed into shipping containers and sold into slavery?"

I think what I appreciated so much about her audacity is that her Big Hairy Audacious Goal (BHAG) is rooted in her hope in the power of Jesus Christ. She says mildly, "I'm just old school enough to believe that Jesus Christ is the hope of the world." I want to be that old school, too! She challenges Christian leaders saying, "We have a responsibility to lead people out of a place of hope. If we don't believe we can make a difference, why get out of bed?"

Another of her thoughts that keeps ringing in my ears is this, "The truth of the Word of God is more powerful than the facts." In other words, we ought not be deterred by circumstantial evidence. God's Word is alive and active and powerful. His truth is bigger than whatever it is we think might stop us.

Her call to Christian leaders is to take risks fueled by Hope rooted in Christ. She tells a charming story about purchasing a flashlight for her young daughter. As she handed the child the flashlight, her daughter says, "Mommy, let's go find some darkness!" Christine likens this to the call for believers. We have the Light of Christ, and our purpose is to go find the darkness and light it up!

Leadership Summit 2010: Jim Collins

2010-08-07T17:55:00.000-05:00

Session 2: Jim Collins - "Never, Ever Give Up"

So, just as the full import of Bill Hybels' words about leadership and the challenge to listen and heed God's whisper were hitting my heart and mind, Jim Collins took the stage. It was only session two, and I was beginning to take notes on auto pilot.

Jim Collins is best known for his book, "Good to Great" and his leadership theme is all about studying what sets apart great leaders from good leaders. Highlights from his talk:

Good is the enemy of great. I think I could stop and write a whole blog about this thought alone. The temptation to settle for good is enormous at times, but great is what I'm after.
Great is not a matter of circumstances. It is a matter of conscious choice and discipline. Greatness never happens on accident.
Any leader can fall, many do, but some don't. There are 5 stages of decline for any organization. Often, it is possible to look healthy on the outside, but be very sick on the inside.

Stage 1: Hubris born of success. It is not success to that leads to failure, it's hubris - outrageous arrogance. Humility is the signature that sets apart great leaders.
Stage 2: Undisciplined Pursuit of More. Always regulate growth by asking whether or not all of the key seats on the team are filled with FANTASTIC people. If they're not, resist the urge to grow until they are.
Stage 3: Denial of Risk and Peril. Never confuse faith with facts. Never confuse the need for absolute faith that you can and will prevail ultimately with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of today.
Stage 4: Grasping for Salvation. Greatness is never a single event, it's a cumulative process. Greatness is disciplined people engaged in disciplined thought taking disciplined action.
Stage 5: Capitulation to Irrelevance or Death. If you measure your success by money, you will always lose. Winners have an answer to the question, "What will be lost if we leave?" and it gives them a reason to endure the struggles. The signature of mediocrity is chronic inconsistency.

To Do List:

Do your diagnostics. (www.jimcollins.com)
Count your blessings. When we begin to account for all the good things that we did not cause, it's humbling.
Fill the seats on your bus with FANTASTIC people.
With your team, create an inventory of the brutal facts, ie: Why we can't stay "here".
Create a "stop doing" list to go beside your "to do" list.
Define results, recognize milestones.
Double your reach to young people by changing your practices without changing core values.
Set a BHAG (Big. Hairy. Audacious. Goal.)

Leadership Summit 2010

2010-08-07T17:32:00.000-05:00

Session 1: Bill Hybels "Whispers of God"
Bill Hybels is the one constant at the Summit from year to year, and he does not disappoint. Ever.

Leaders move people from "here" (Egypt) to "there" (Promised Land), and they don't begin by telling people how great and wonderful "there" is. They begin by explaining to people how awful "here" is and why we simply cannot stay any longer.
Great leaders know that it takes FANTASTIC people to get from "here" to "there". Great leaders build their teams based on 4 C's: Character, Competence, Chemistry, and Culture. Truly fantastic team members are those it would make you sick to lose.
Leaders recognize that people are most vulnerable in the midst of the journey from "here" to "there," so they celebrate milestones all along the way. Great leaders recognize that vision leaks, so they regularly refill people's vision buckets.
Great leaders know that nothing significant happens without direction from God. (John 10:27) Great leaders believe that God still speaks and position themselves to hear His voice.

Haunting Take-away Questions: When God whispers, will you do everything in your power to heed His voice? Is God's whisper enough to change the course of your life?

Because I'm Thankful

2010-08-04T23:33:00.001-05:00

So, I usually save my thanksgiving posts for well Thanksgiving, but it just so happens that I'm feeling uber thankful right here at the beginning of August. Shoot me.

I am thankful that there are some ridiculously godly women in my life who are stinking fun to know.
I am grateful that the a/c in my apartment works well.
I am thankful that my pastor tells the lawnmower salesman about Jesus.
I am grateful to work for an organization that provides for me to attend the Willow Creek Leadership Summit every summer. I can hardly sleep I'm so excited about the next two days!
I am thankful that there was a pool where I've been housesitting during this insane heat spell!
I am thankful that God accepts my most honest prayers, especially when I'm sure I'm not saying it right.
I am glad that when I feel absolutely crazy, He speaks peace.
I am thankful for my family and how they love each other and how they love me. Wow.
I am thankful that Walgreen's sells jugs of tea for times when I'm a little scatterbrained and forgetful.
I am grateful that the Gospel is for Christians.
I am thankful that I know God doesn't allow pain without purpose.
I am glad there's a skip button for times when I don't like the song that just came on.
I am thankful there are options for "mainstream" people who don't like "whiny" music.
I am glad I have a blog where I can say what's running through my mind late on a Wednesday night and know that nobody has to read it.

Strength In Weakness

2010-08-04T11:53:00.002-05:00

Update: Anita just called. The wrong has been made right. She just wanted me to know. :-)

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

So, continuing with the theme of "rain" this week, I'd just like to say that when it rains it pours. The pleasant showers I was hoping for have come more in the form of thunderstorms.

This week, I feel weak. Every day, I come to work, and I just hope I can get through the day without making any major mistakes or allowing my weakness to upset anybody else's proverbial apple cart. (I'm getting good with the cliches!)

This morning, however, Anita called. Anita, my precious friend, a former client, someone God uses repeatedly to bless my socks off. She was frantic, pouring out a story of someone who had used her Christian faith to manipulate her into a bad situation then sent her on a guilt trip when she stood up for herself. She told me she was just calling to make sure I was in my office because she was coming to pray through it with me -- she needed my strength. "This is bad, this is very, very bad," I thought to myself. What have I left to give her this morning? I have no reserves this week.

And, of course, you know what happened next. That Voice. That still, small, powerful, soothing Voice. "Give her Me."

Before I even had time to formulate a plan, Anita showed up. She came inside my office, shut the door, sat down, and began telling her story. And, the tears I hadn't yet shed today poured down my cheeks for her. I listened. I assured her she'd done nothing wrong. I asked about other areas of her life and heard a glowing report of how she is doggedly pressing into Christ for her every need. This woman has overcome more obstacles in her lifetime than you can conceive of were you to sit and count all day. And, we prayed. Grasping both hands, we bowed our heads and asked God for miracles. I prayed until I ran out of words, fearful that what I had to offer her this morning might not be enough. (Foolish, I know.)

When we'd finished praying. We hugged, dried our tears, and then she said, "What do you need me to do today?" I just stared at her. "I've got time on my hands, how can I help out around here?" I took her back to our warehouse/thrift store where I knew she'd be a welcome help. As we passed others in the hallway who greeted her and asked how she was doing, she smiled brightly and said, "Oh, I'm blessed!"

It was the most beautiful demonstration of Christ's power made perfect in weakness that I have ever personally witnessed. And, then I was reminded of a story about Moses from Exodus 33 and how he insisted that the presence of God lead him and the Israelites or they would not move. How I pray His presence would be so evident in my own life!

Then Moses said to him, "If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?"

And the LORD said to Moses, "I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name." Exodus 33

It's Beginning to Rain ...

2010-07-30T14:34:00.001-05:00

I’m coming to believe that nothing inspires a true fear of the Lord in me like a demonstration of Jesus’ magnificence. This has been one seriously “Crazy or Jesus” week, and as I sit here at the end of it, having just witnessed another marvelous provision of God, I am struggling to find words for the things I am thinking and feeling.

This week alone, I have seen the Lord speak, counsel, and provide by His Spirit, by His Word, and by His Church in such specific and unique ways that I can find no other explanation for them but Christ alone.

And, I vacillate between two responses to such grandeur.

First, I am reminded of the story of Peter’s encounter with Jesus in Luke 5. Having fished all night to no avail, Jesus comes to the fishermen and commands them to let down their nets one more time on the opposite side of the boat. They are doubtful, but obedient, and they pull up a catch so large it strains their nets. And Peter responds to Jesus, “Depart from me; I am a sinful man!”

To be allowed to experience the grace of God in such personal ways tempts me to cry out, “God, don’t you know whom you are blessing?! I am a sinful woman. It’s too much. It’s too wonderful. It’s more than I can take!” But, Peter didn’t yet understand the grace and mercy of Christ. He did not know that all his sin would be covered by Christ’s righteousness. He didn’t know he could boldly approach the throne of grace and find mercy. This leads me to my second response …

It’s ironic that I wrote earlier this week about praying for rain and carrying an umbrella because what I’m discovering today is that I’d much rather stand in the rain, face turned up, arms spread wide, and allow this incredible awareness of God’s extravagance to wash over me than to hold up an umbrella to shield me from it.

Summer Reading List Recommendations

2010-07-28T16:55:00.001-05:00

This summer has afforded me the luxury of doing a lot of reading, and I've got some books I'd like to recommend. There's no particular order to this madness, just a list of what I've read so far.

1. This Just In by Bob Schieffer ... I picked this one up on the clearance shelf at Half-Price Books, and it's been a delightful read. I didn't know much about Bob Schieffer or his career, so I was pleasantly surprised to discover that he is a Fort Worth native. Many of his stories center around places very near and dear to my heart!
2. Mark of the Lion series by Francine Rivers ... So so good. I'm super late to the party on this series. I can't even explain why I put it off for so long, but I cannot say the last time a fictional work had such a profound impact on my spiritual thought life. Remarkable.
3. The Search for God and Guinness by Stephen Mansfield... I'm not done with this one yet, but I'm enjoying it enough that I figure it's okay to tell you about it. This is the story of the Guinness family of brewers from Ireland and how their faith has impacted their family and so many others over whom they've had influence. Fascinating.
4. The Mountain Between Us by Charles Martin ... Charles Martin is by far and away my favorite fiction writer. He weaves a story and paints a picture with such captivating detail. A friend suggested his writing to me a little over a year ago. I read the first book, then went out and bought everything else he'd written. This latest story did not disappoint in any way. Beautiful.
5. The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns ... Wow. This was the surprise of the summer. I downloaded an audio version of this book for free from www.christianaudio.com, and had it saved on my computer for several months before deciding to give it a try. I am so thankful I did. Richard Stearns is the US President of World Vision, and the first section of this book is the story of his own unlikely arrival at that position. He has such a gift for blending story and scripture and statistics and history into a challenge for believers. I cannot recommend this book strongly enough.
6. Radical by David Platt ... I hate a band wagon. Since everyone I knew was talking about this book, I almost didn't pick it up at all. Besides, I'd heard that if I'd already read Francis Chan's Crazy Love, then I didn't have to read Platt. However, I do love books on cd, so when Mardel ran this one on sale half-price, I picked it up and put it in my car. I'm now wishing everyone I know would read/listen to this book.
7. The O'Malley Series by Dee Henderson ... putting this on my list is kind of like admitting there's some Miley Cyrus on my summer playlist. It's pure, unadulterated fun. This series of stories about a family of orphans who decided to share a last name and form a bond that carries them long into adulthood was a wonderful escape. I can't say it challenged me spiritually or taught me anything about life in general, but it did help me appreciate my friend-family and make me smile a lot.

Praying for Rain and Carrying an Umbrella

2010-07-27T10:24:00.001-05:00

Occasionally, I am impressed to pray something so specifically that I feel convinced it could only be from the Lord. And, for a few days, I will pray it fervently. Then, seeing no immediate effects or rewards, the fervency wanes. I may pray it once or twice a week, eventually resorting to a rare mention of it in my prayers. And, generally, when I’ve all but forgotten that I ever felt called to ask for whatever that thing was, the Lord provides. He answers out of His abundance, and I am completely stunned. I’m as caught off guard by the answer as if I’d never asked for it, as if I’d never believed that the prompting for the asking came from Him in the first place. It’s a silly cycle really.

Two weeks ago, I was having a conversation with a friend who’s been riding a perpetual emotional roller coaster in prayer for the last few years. She believes she knows what the Lord has said to her, and she believes He’s affirmed that original message several times over. But, nothing in her present circumstances indicates that an answer is on the way, so she doubts and fears and frets. As I listened to her, I finally asked what I felt was the critical question, “Friend, what if you just decided to believe God?” What if you decided that He’s big enough to show you if you’re wrong, but as long as He continues to affirm His original word to you, you’re going to stand firm in that belief against all doubts or evidence to the contrary?

Bold advice. Easy to dispense.

Two days later, I hopped on my own roller coaster. I found myself fretting at the feet of Jesus, wringing my hands and telling him all about my distress over His delayed answer to my very earnest request (the one He’d placed there!). And, as if someone had pressed the “play” button on a recording of my conversation with my friend, I heard my own voice come back to me. “Friend, what if you just decided to believe God? What if you decided that He’s big enough to show you if you’re wrong, but as long as He continues to affirm His original word to you, you’re going to stand firm in that belief against all doubts or evidence to the contrary?” I literally shook my head. What if indeed …

A few days ago, I saw a church sign. Now, I’m not a huge fan of church signs, the ones with the pithy sayings. I generally find them cheesy at best, and too often obnoxious. This one might have been a little bit of both, but it still got my attention. It read simply, “If you’re praying for rain, be sure you carry an umbrella.” I immediately began to wonder what it would look like to carry an umbrella – in other words, to live and act as though I expected my prayers to be answered at any moment. How would my thinking change? What would I do differently? How would my conversations change?

In Joshua 6:1, the Bible says the city of Jericho was tightly shut up and nobody was getting in or out, but the Lord said to Joshua, “See I have delivered Jericho into your hands …” Joshua would still have to march around the city wall and shout to see it fall, but Jericho was his from the moment God promised it. He could carry an umbrella even though there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.

Thoughts from Psalm 81

2010-07-17T11:15:00.001-05:00

Oh that My people would listen to Me,

That Israel would walk in My ways!

I would quickly subdue their enemies

And turn My hand against their adversaries.

Those who hate the LORD would pretend obedience to Him,

And their time of punishment would be forever.

But I would feed you with the finest of wheat,

And with honey from the rock I would satisfy you.

Psalm 81:13-16

As I set out this morning to talk about this passage, I'm afraid I won't be able to do it justice. I'm afraid I won't be able to clearly communicate how these words arrested my thoughts today. I am so guilty of loving to read the good things in scripture, the ways the Lord says He'll bless obedient people, but completely glossing over the dire warnings for the disobedient. I have spoken frequently of Isaiah 30:18, and how the Lord longs to be gracious and rises to show us compassion, but just because one longs for something doesn't mean that longing can be fulfilled. God cannot honor disobedience.

This morning, as I read Psalm 81, I was reminded of that truth anew. It's as if the Lord says, "If Israel, my people, would just walk obediently, I would do so many incredible things for them! I want so badly for them to turn and listen and obey so that I can not just satisfy them, but pour out abundance on them!"

Then my heart was pierced by verse 15, "Those who hate the LORD would pretend obedience to Him ..." My thoughts exploded with a resounding question, "What does it mean to pretend obedience?" It's a frightening thought because somehow, deep down inside, I know it's something I'm guilty of doing. Pretending obedience. Faking obedience. Doing the right things with the wrong heart. God says those who do that, hate Him and are faced with eternal punishment. It's serious.

Thankfully, we know that the righteous redemption of Jesus has taken away eternal punishment for all who call on Him, but it is still a sobering reminder of how seriously God views disobedience. And, what His heart's desire is for His children.

"But I would feed you with the finest of wheat, and with honey from the rock I would satisfy you." My prayer this morning is that I would not just be someone God wants to bless, but that I would be an obedient someone God can and will bless in the ways that He longs to do.

A Quarter Century?!?

2010-07-13T09:00:00.001-05:00

How bad is it when you start to feel embarrassed to tell someone how long you've been a Christian because it makes you sound old? :-)
Today marks 25 years since the night I first asked Jesus to come into my heart, since I first accepted His gift of eternal life and salvation, since He justified, redeemed, sanctified, regenerated ... Often, my own theological education gets in the way of allowing me to fully celebrate this day because I'm afraid I might say it wrong and offend someone or sound like heretic to another. Sometimes, I still wonder if I have a clue what all those big words mean.
I definitely had no idea what any of them meant on that day. All I knew was that I was a sinner, and that God was holy (which meant He couldn't dwell with sinners), and that if I wanted to make things right with God and spend eternity in heaven with Him (which I definitely did), I was gonna need some help from His perfect Son, Jesus. Today, I feel like the blind man to whom Jesus gave sight. When people started asking him about Jesus, he exclaimed, "All I know is that I was blind, and now I see!" (John 9:25)
There are a lot of things I've done in the last 25 years of which I am not proud at all. There are many things I'd rather forget. But, knowing Jesus, trusting Him with each new day, taking refuge in His cross -- that's the best thing that's ever happened to me. In Galatians 6:14, Paul said it this way, "May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." Let it be so.

Angry. Sad. Angry. Sad. Glad.

2010-06-30T16:49:00.000-05:00

I am alternately angry and sad today. I keep reminding myself that satan is a loser. He does not win. That is good and comforting truth for the long run, but here, today, in the short run, I'm just mad. And sad. He does not fight fair. When I recognize the work of evil coming against me, I am annoyed. I roll my eyes and feel foolish for letting my feathers get ruffled, and make a fresh determination to fix my eyes on Jesus. Today, however, I recognize that someone near to me is under attack in a very unfair way, and I'm so angry. And sad.
I'd be angry and sad if it was just this one person. But the fact that this comes after a string of similar stories coming from godly people all around me, just has me fit to be tied today.
And just when I think the anger or the sadness might take over, another emotions sneaks up on me. Joy.
Here's the deal about spiritual warfare. There's lots of stuff I don't know about it, but there's one thing I know for sure. It only comes when I'm headed in the right direction. Satan and his demons couldn't care less when I'm walking in disobedience or living a mediocre life that's not going to impact anyone here or in eternity. And, the only way I can rejoice over that fact is when my relationship with Jesus is such that pleasing Him truly matters more to me than living in ease and without pain or trial. And, I praise God that the friends I've shared that thought with today have agreed with me. Jesus is better.

I John 4:4 Proverbs 18:10 I Peter 5:6-10 Matthew 5:12 II Timothy 3:12-4:5 Hebrews 1:2-3

Praying about Storms

2010-06-28T18:32:00.000-05:00

I have a lot of family that live on the south Texas coast, all the way from South Padre Island to Corpus Christi to Houston. I am naturally concerned anytime a hurricane enters the Gulf of Mexico, aware that someone about whom I care deeply could be affected. This week, as the world watches Tropical Storm Alex travel into the Gulf, I have received a number of emails suggesting that we pray for it to miss the Rio Grande Valley or Corpus Christi, hoping that the trajectories showing the storm take a southern turn are correct. And, it's occurred to me that this is a difficult thing for me to pray. I can pray that my loved ones are safe. I can pray that the storm dissipates in the Gulf. I can pray that the winds die down or that structures withstand the force. I cannot pray that the storm miss them and hit others, particularly, that it miss the US Coast and hit Mexico. Not only does Mexico have a much higher poverty rate than most of the US, statistics say that less than 2% of its population claim to be born again Christians. I cannot find it in me to pray for a devastating storm to pass over my loved ones who have means to protect themselves and/or get out of the way as well as eternal security in their relationship with Jesus Christ and hope that it strikes others much more likely to lose their homes and/or their lives with much higher consequences at stake. I just can't do it. :-/

Love and Humility

2010-06-26T17:11:00.000-05:00

For someone who averages about one trip to the doctor's office every 12-18 months, 2010 is shaping up to be a very odd year. In the first six months that I have lived alone, I've already been to the doctor 3 times for three very different issues, and I have had to ask for help from others on several different occasions. It's never a good thing when the doctor looks at you and says, "You're single, right? Live alone? Do you have a very good friend nearby?":-/ Asking for help is hard enough. Asking for help when you're nauseated or in pain or need wound care at odd or inconvenient hours is an entirely different level of humility. And, both times, I have come away from the experience with one repeating thought, "I have been loved well." It's the only way I know to say it. I am deeply moved by the realization that I have been blessed with friends who love me when I have absolutely nothing to give in return. In those moments, I am completely without offering. I feel terribly unworthy, unlovable -- and yet, that is when I know better, deeper, most profoundly that I am, in the most simple term, loved. It seems to me that when we're "on top of the world" everyone "loves" us, but it's when we're hanging out in the depths that it is a priceless thing to find a friend still standing close.

Reflecting on the Beatitudes

2010-06-23T23:28:00.001-05:00

^{Tonight at The Commons, we were "dragging the hook of the kingdom" through Matthew 5:1-10, more commonly known as The Beatitudes. Corey, who was leading the conversation, did an excellent job of helping us gain a more clear understanding of what each of the statements means,}

^{Blessed are the poor in spirit, those who recognize their own poverty of spirit and need for a Savior}
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven, they get to live in the present reality and future hope of God's reign.
Blessed are those who mourn, those who grieve over their sin and how it grieves the heart of God
for they will be comforted, they will know that God's grace is deeper than their sin.
Blessed are the meek, those who have a humble disposition before the Lord
for they will inherit the earth, they will be lifted up in due time.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, those who seek God for relationship's sake rather than their own glory
for they will be filled, they will have as much of Him as they desire.
Blessed are the merciful, those who demonstrate toward others
for the will be shown mercy, they will see understand with greater clarity the mercy they've been shown.
Blessed are the pure in heart, those whose heart intentions and actions are aligned with their desire to please God
for they will see God, they will recognize God at work in and around them and experience an increased intimacy with Him
Blessed are the peacemakers, those who actively strive to convey the message of reconciliation between God and man
for they will be called sons of God, they will be known as God's children carrying out His message.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, those who suffer for choosing to live rightly set apart as unto the Lord
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven, they live - both now and in eternity - under the blessed rule and reign of Christ.

The most profound thing that occurred to me tonight as we looked at this very familiar passage came toward the end of our conversation. I'd been jotting down notes, and all of a sudden, I looked down the list of " "beatitudes" and noticed a pattern. I believe there may very well be a progression as you move through the list.

Those who recognize their poverty of spirit, mourn over their sin, and therefore, adopt a disposition of humility before God. The humbled and aware of their need, they hunger and thirst for right relationship with God. Having been granted the the gift of that righteousness that is not their own but the gift of God, they freely demonstrate mercy toward others in need of the same gift. Their righteousness allows them to approach God with purity of heart and mind and to commit themselves to proclaiming the message of peace with God (reconciliation) for which they are persecuted, yet able to rejoice having inherited an eternal reward.

I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but it really resonated with me. As we looked over the list and began discussing which ones we were "good" at or "bad" at, I began to think about my own life and realize that until I truly understood "poor in Spirit" and my need for a Savior, I never stood a chance at understanding or developing anything else on the list. I couldn't mourn over my sin apart from that understanding. I couldn't be humble before the Lord as long as I was still clinging to pride. I couldn't hunger and thirst for Christ's righteousness until I understood that I had none of my own. I couldn't show mercy to others until I understood how much mercy I'd been shown. I couldn't align my heart with my actions in a pure way before the Lord until I understood that obedience was about a desire to please Him not impress Him or others. I couldn't actively proclaim the message of peace until I'd experienced genuine peace with God. And, I'd never rejoice through persecution if I didn't consider the rule and reign of my precious Savior to be the utmost reward.